Death From Pop Rocks?

December 11, 2005

(Written by two people by the names of Barbara and David Mikkelson)

Pop Rocks were invented by a research scientist by the name of William A. Mitchell. The candy was presented to the public in 1975 and enchanted young children with it’s “fizzle”. Each small nugget contained carbon which would release whenever a Pop Rock would be placed in the mouth. It resulted to an “exploding” and yet “sizzling” experience.

p>Legend says, combining Pop Rocks with carbonated drinks such as soda, would make the stomach explode from too much carbon dioxide. Truthfully, Pop Rocks have the same amount of carbon as half a can of soda. Combining the two would result to nothing other than a belch. Although the candy was thoroughly tested, few people of Seattle were still quite alarmed. A hotline was made by The Food and Drug Administration which was to guarantee that Pop Rocks wouldn’t cause their children to choke.

Catwin C.:

Rumors say, Little Mikey of LIFE Cereal died by eating six packets of Pop Rocks followed by drinking a can of Pepsi. That rumor was proven wrong. The reason why he was the victim was because Mikey was known to many children by his famed commercials. If anything was to happen to him, it would certainly be passed around. The man who played as Mikey, John Gilchrist is still alive and kicking. He now works at New York radio station as an advertising manager.

General Foods was fought back the “exploded kid” rumors on 1979 by making full page ads on 45 publications, sending 50,000 letters to schools all over America, and sent the inventor of the crazed confection to travel around, explaining how Pop Rocks have about the same amount of carbon as a half a can of soda.

At around 1983, the company stopped selling Pop Rocks which was thought to be “proof” that the candy was harmful. What they didn’t know was that Kraft bought the product from General Foods two years later and then sold it as “Action Candy” from a company known as Carbonated Candy. Pop Rocks are sold now under their original name, Pop Rocks Incorporation.

Categories: Good for Nothing Facts.

Cursed Bombs and Split Personalities

October 24, 2005

Licorne is looking at a lyric sheet of a Japanese love song. The sheet contains the Japanese and English translations.

Licorne: Hey! Look here! The japanese line is ‘nakidashite shimatta‘ but the english translation is ‘I ended up crying.’

Jasmine: So?

Licorne: But doesn’t shimatta mean ‘Damn it!’ in English?

Jasmine: Yeah.

Licorne: So shouldn’t the lyrics mean ‘I ended up crying, damn it!’ ?

Jasmine: Don’t ruin a perfectly good love song!

Note: We know that’s not the only meaning of the word ‘shimatta’ but we just wanted to mess with you. XD


As they’re passing by a computer hardware store:

Jasmine: Urrg. I remember I have to buy a damn printer.

Licorne: Damn printer? Why?

Jasmine: Because my damn printer’s broken! *shakes fist anime-style*

Licorne: Damn? That’s going to be the Word of the Day, isn’t it?

Jasmine: Damn right!


Due to recent terrorist threats, shoppers’ bags are inspected at the malls to ensure that they don’t contain explosives or any other dangerous devices. Sensors and alarms are also installed on store doorways. The two girls enter a bookstore with the doorway alarms.

Jasmine: Hmp! All this security!

Licorne: I was kind of wishing the alarm would go off when you pass the door.

Jasmine: *sticks out tongue* But I’ll know what I’ll say when it goes off when I pass through it.

Licorne: What?

Jasmine: *holds up hands in a reassuring manner to invisible people* It’s ok. That’s normal. It’s just me. I’m The Bomb!

Licorne: *starts walking in the opposite direction* Eee–gads!


During a telephone conversation.

Licorne: Why is your voice so hoarse?

Jasmine: I have a cold.

Licorne: Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like it.

Jasmine: No. I transform into a guy at night so the pitch of my voice goes much lower.

Licorne: Oh.

- Silence -

Licorne: Something like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

Jasmine: Yep.

- Silence -

Licorne: So who am I talking to right now, then?


During another telephone conversation.

Jasmine: Hello?

Licorne: You’re voice is hoarse again.

Jasmine: That’s because I have a cold. Again.

Licorne: Good thing you don’t talk to the members at night then. You’d scare them out of their wits.


Jasmine: Hey! I got a funny text message. The person must have sent it to me by mistake.

Licorne: Why is it so funny?

Jasmine: It says, ‘Honey, How are you? Don’t forget to bring back a present for our son. From Mom.’ Isn’t it hilarious? Me, having a son! Whahaha!

Licorne: You have a son?! What did you do?

Jasmine: I didn’t do anything! As if I have a son!

Licorne: Are you sure? You transform into a guy at night, remember? Who knows what you do then?

- Silence -

Jasmine: Oh.

Licorne: In fact, how can we be sure what you do then? You could literally have hundreds of sons and daughters running around everywhere, and hundreds of wives besides! Oh, the unspeakable horror!

Jasmine: Shut up.

Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.

-Holics and Revelations

October 13, 2005

Note: Some snippets will be written in our native language as they have more ‘impact’ when said that way. Nonetheless, English translations will still be included. Note that the English translations will be the closest translations in meaning or thought in the whole sentence. I will not translate the per English word, as that will compromise the idea and meanings of the conversations.


This was a phone text last September 23, 2005.

Jasmine: Happy Birthday! Tumatanda ka na! =) (Happy Birthday! You’re getting old! =))

Licorne: Salamat! Pero tandaan mo, pag tumatanda ako, mas matanda ka! Nyahaha! (Thank you! But remember, if I’m getting old, you’re always older! Nyahaha!)

Jasmine: Ayoko na! Break na tayo! (That’s it! We’re through! or We’re breaking up! )

Licorne: Hmp! Ikaw lang naman ang balik ng balik sa akin eh! (Hmp! You’re the one who keeps coming back to me!)


Note: Licorne = chocaholic (excessive love for chocolate); Jasmine = coffeeholic (excessive love for coffee)

Roaming the mall, they see a shop with a sign that says “Chocolate Ecstasy – 3 for P100″ So they stop and look.

Licorne: Look at that! Chocolate! *bites lower lip* The cake is covered with chocolate icing and it’s swimming in rich, thick and creamy chocolate sauce! Oh, to buy or not to buy?

Jasmine: *not caring* As I’m not the chocaholic, the sight of that does not affect me.

Licorne: But didn’t you know that some chocolates are taken from the same bean that produces coffee? So in that case they have almost similar ingredients!

- Silence -

Jasmine: How much did you say it was again?


Licorne: Where have you been?! I’ve been calling for hours!

Jasmine: Why? You missed me? =)

Licorne: Get away from me.


Jasmine: You know, I was thinking–

Licorne: Did it hurt?

Jasmine: Stop that! I was thinking, if we publish most of our wacky conversations online, and due to the their frequent theme, some people might think we’re more than friends.

Licorne: Eh?!?!

Jasmine: Ooh, Yuri!

(Yuri: In anime terms, girl to girl love)

They look at each other for a moment.

Jasmine and Licorne: Eewwwwww!!! *their distance from each other increased 4 meters*

Jasmine: That idea’s so gross!

Licorne: Excuse me while I gag in overwhelming self disgust.

*shudders*

Note: We do not condemn or even presume to judge people who have this preference (girls who like girls). They have a freedom to choose their life and far be it for us to judge them. However, we are not of the same inclinations, and that should also be respected. I repeat, we like men! =)


Jasmine has managed to coerce Licorne into watching the movie “The Corpse Bride.” As they had close to an hour before the movie starts, they decided to eat at a nearby food store.

While eating, Jasmine sees a little kid in a stroller; she smiles and signals to Licorne to look at the child.

Licorne: *rolls eyes*

Jasmine: What? The kid’s cute!

Licorne: Pedophile.

Jasmine: Thank you!


While watching the movie:

Jasmine: That’s the scariest looking animated maggot I have ever seen.

Licorne: Yeah. Who would have thought that a maggot can wear so much lipstick?!


Jasmine: Why does it seem that I’m always the underdog in these conversations?

Licorne: Hey, don’t blame me. I always send them to you for approval, or to edit or delete as you like. But you don’t change a thing and you approve its posting online. What are you complaining about?

Jasmine: I know, I know. I know these conversations are true to life, but. . . after reading them, I never realized how much of an underdog I am.

Licorne: *shocked* I–I didn’t know . . . I mean, after almost 10 years of friendship, you only realized that now?

Jasmine: Someday I’m going to strangle you, you know.

Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.

100 Best Things About Being Pinoy

October 8, 2005

(Reprinted from the Philippine Daily Inquirer Sunday Magazine)

FROM the 1896 Revolution to the first Philippine Republic, the Commonwealth period, the EDSA Revolt, and the tiger cub economy, history marches on. Thankfully, however, some things never change. Like the classics, things irresistibly Pinoy mark us for life. They’re the indelible stamp of our identity, the undeniable affinity that binds us like twins.

They celebrate the good in us, the best of our culture and the infinite possibilities we are all capable of. Some are so self-explanatory you only need mention them for fellow Pinoys to swoon or drool. Here, from all over this Centennial-crazed country and in no particular order, are a hundred of the best things that make us unmistakably Pinoy.

  1. Merienda. Where else is it normal to eat five times a day?
  2. Sawsawan. Assorted sauces that guarantee freedom of choice, enough room for experimentation and maximum tolerance for diverse tastes. Favorites: toyo’t calamansi, suka at sili, patis.
  3. Kuwan, ano. At a loss for words? Try these and marvel at how Pinoys understand exactly what you want.
  4. Pinoy humor and irreverence. If you’re api and you know it, crack a joke. Nothing personal, really.
  5. Tingi. Thank goodness for small entrepreneurs. Where else can we buy cigarettes, soap, condiments and life’s essentials in small affordable amounts?
  6. Spirituality. Even before the Spaniards came, ethnic tribes had their own anitos, bathalas and assorted deities, pointing to a strong relationship with the Creator, who or whatever it may be.
  7. Po, opo, mano po. Speech suffixes that define courtesy, deference, filial respect–a balm to the spirit in these aggressive times.
  8. Pasalubong. Our way of sharing the vicarious thrills and delights of a trip, and a wonderful excuse to shop without the customary guilt.
  9. Beaches! With 7000 plus islands, we have miles and miles of shoreline piled high with fine white sand, lapped by warm waters, and nibbled by exotic tropical fish. From the stormy seas of Batanes to the emerald isles of Palawan–over here, life is truly a beach.
  10. Bagoong. Darkly mysterious, this smelly fish or shrimp paste typifies the underlying theme of most ethnic foods: disgustingly unhygienic, unbearably stinky and simply irresistible.
  11. Bayanihan. Yes, the internationally-renowned dance company, but also this habit of pitching in still common in small communities. Just have that cold beer and some pulutan ready for the troops.
  12. The Balikbayan box. Another way of sharing life’s bounty, no matter if it seems like we’re fleeing Pol Pot everytime we head home from anywhere in the globe. The most wonderful part is that, more often than not, the contents are carted home to be distributed.
  13. Pilipino komiks. Not to mention "Hiwaga," "Aliwan," "Tagalog Classics," "Liwayway" and "Bulaklak" magazines. Pulpy publications that gave us Darna, Facifica Falayfay, Lagalag, Kulafu, Kenkoy, Dyesebel, characters of a time both innocent and worldly.
  14. Folk songs. They come unbidden and spring, full blown, like a second language, at the slightest nudge from the too-loud stereo of a passing jeepney or tricycle.
  15. Fiesta. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow is just another day, shrugs the poor man who, once a year, honors a patron saint with this sumptuous, no-holds-barred spread. It’s a Pinoy celebration at its pious and riotous best.
  16. Aswang, manananggal, kapre. The whole underworld of Filipino lower mythology recalls our uniquely bizarre childhood, that is, before political correctness kicked in. Still, their rich adventures pepper our storytelling.

  17. Jeepneys. Colorful, fast, reckless, a vehicle of postwar Pinoy ingenuity, this Everyman’s communal cadillac makes for a cheap, interesting ride. If the driver’s a daredevil (as they usually are), hang on to your seat.
  18. Dinuguan. Blood stew, a bloodcurdling idea, until you try it with puto. Messy but delicious.
  19. Santacruzan. More than just a beauty contest, this one has religious overtones, a tableau of St. Helena’s and Constantine’s search for the Cross that seamlessly blends piety, pageantry and ritual. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to show off the prettiest ladies–and the most beautiful gowns.
  20. Balut. Unhatched duck’s embryo, another unspeakable ethnic food to outsiders, but oh, to indulge in guilty pleasures! Sprinkle some salt and suck out that soup, with gusto.
  21. Pakidala. A personalized door-to-door remittance and delivery system for overseas Filipino workers who don’t trust the banking system, and who expect a family update from the courier, as well.
  22. Choc-nut. Crumbly peanut chocolate bars that defined childhood ecstasy before M & M’s and Hersheys.
  23. Kamayan style. To eat with one’s hand and eschew spoon, fork and table manners–ah, heaven.
  24. Chicharon. Pork, fish or chicken crackling. There is in the crunch a hint of the extravagant, the decadent and the pedestrian. Perfect with vinegar, sublime with beer.
  25. Pinoy hospitality. Just about everyone gets a hearty "Kain tayo!" invitation to break bread with whoever has food to share, no matter how skimpy or austere it is.
  26. Adobo, kare-kare, sinigang and other lutong bahay stuff. Home-cooked meals that have the stamp of approval from several generations, who swear by closely-guarded cooking secrets and family recipes.
  27. Lola Basyang. The voice one heard spinning tales over the radio, before movies and television curtailed imagination and defined grown-up tastes.
  28. Pambahay. Home is where one can let it all hang out, where clothes do not make a man or woman but rather define their level of comfort.
  29. Tricycle and trisikad, the poor Pinoy’s taxicab that delivers you at your doorstep for as little as P3, with a complimentary dusting of polluted air.
  30. Dirty ice cream. Very Pinoy flavors that make up for the risk: munggo, langka, ube, mais, keso, macapuno. Plus there’s the colorful cart that recalls jeepney art.
  31. Yayas. The trusted Filipino nanny who, ironically, has become a major Philippine export as overseas contract workers. A good one is almost like a surrogate parent–if you don’t mind the accent and the predilection for afternoon soap and movie stars.
  32. Sarsi. Pinoy rootbeer, the enduring taste of childhood. Our grandfathers had them with an egg beaten in.
  33. Pinoy fruits. Atis, guyabano, chesa, mabolo, lanzones, durian, langka, makopa, dalanghita, siniguelas, suha, chico, papaya, singkamas–the possibilities!
  34. Filipino celebrities. Movie stars, broadcasters, beauty queens, public officials, all-around controversial figures: Aurora Pijuan, Cardinal Sin, Carlos P. Romulo, Charito Solis, Cory Aquino, Emilio Aguinaldo, the Eraserheads, Fidel V. Ramos, Francis Magalona, Gloria Diaz, Manuel L. Quezon, Margie Moran, Melanie Marquez, Ninoy Aquino, Nora Aunor, Pitoy Moreno, Ramon Magsysay, Richard Gomez, San Lorenzo Ruiz, Sharon Cuneta, Gemma Cruz, Erap, Tiya Dely, Mel and Jay, Gary V.
  35. World class Pinoys who put us on the global map: Lea Salonga, Paeng Nepomuceno, Eugene Torre, Luisito Espinosa, Lydia de Vega-Mercado, Jocelyn Enriquez, Elma Muros, Onyok Velasco, Efren "Bata" Reyes, Lilia Calderon-Clemente, Loida Nicolas-Lewis, Josie Natori.
  36. Pinoy tastes. A dietitian’s nightmare: too sweet, too salty, too fatty, as in burong talangka, itlog na maalat, crab fat (aligue), bokayo, kutchinta, sapin-sapin, halo-halo, pastilyas, palitaw, pulburon, longganisa, tuyo, ensaymada, ube haleya, sweetened macapuno and garbanzos. Remember, we’re the guys who put sugar (horrors) in our spaghetti sauce. Yum!
  37. The sights. Banaue Rice Terraces, Boracay, Bohol’s Chocolate Hills, Corregidor Island, Fort Santiago, the Hundred Islands, the Las Pinas Bamboo Organ, Rizal Park, Mt. Banahaw, Mayon Volcano, Taal Volcano. A land of contrasts and ever-changing landscapes.
  38. Gayuma, agimat and anting-anting. Love potions and amulets. How the socially-disadvantaged Pinoy copes.
  39. Barangay Ginebra, Jaworski, PBA, MBA and basketball. How the verticaly-challenged Pinoy compensates, via a national sports obsession that reduces fans to tears and fistfights.
  40. People Power at EDSA. When everyone became a hero and changed Philippine history overnight.
  41. San Miguel Beer and pulutan. "Isa pa nga!" and the Philippines’ most popular, world-renowned beer goes well with peanuts, corniks, tapa, chicharon, usa, barbecue, sisig, and all manner of spicy, crunchy and cholesterol-rich chasers.
  42. Resiliency. We’ve survived 400 years of Spanish rule, the US bases, Marcos, the 1990 earthquake, lahar, lambada, Robin Padilla, and Tamagochi. We’ll survive Erap.
  43. Yoyo. Truly Filipino in origin, this hunting tool, weapon, toy and merchandising vehicle remains the best way to "walk the dog" and "rock the baby," using just a piece of string.
  44. Pinoy games: Pabitin, palosebo, basagan ng palayok. A few basic rules make individual cunning and persistence a premium, and guarantee a good time for all.
  45. Ninoy Aquino. For saying that "the Filipino is worth dying for”, and proving it.
  46. Balagtasan. The verbal joust that brings out rhyme, reason and passion on a public stage.
  47. Tabo. All-powerful, ever-useful, hygienically-triumphant device to scoop water out of a bucket _ and help the true Pinoy answer nature’s call. Helps maintain our famously stringent toilet habits.
  48. Pandesal. Despite its shrinking size, still a good buy. Goes well with any filling, best when hot.
  49. Jollibee. Truly Pinoy in taste and sensibility, and a corporate icon that we can be quite proud of. Do you know that it’s invaded the Middle East, as well?
  50. The butanding, the dolphins and other creatures in our blessed waters. They’re Pinoys, too, and they’re here to stay. Now if some folks would just stop turning them into daing.
  51. Pakikisama. It’s what makes people stay longer at parties, have another drink, join pals in sickness and health. You can get dead drunk and still make it home.
  52. Sing-a-long. Filipinos love to sing, and thank God a lot of us do it well!
  53. Kayumanggi. Neither pale nor dark, our skin tone is beautifully healthy, the color of a rich earth or a mahogany tree growing towards the sun.
  54. Handwoven cloth and native weaves. Colorful, environment-friendly alternatives to polyester that feature skillful workmanship and a rich indigenous culture behind every thread. From the pinukpok and ibalen of the north to the malong of the south, it’s the fiber of who we are.
  55. Movies. Still the cheapest form of entertainment, especially if you watch the same movie several times.
  56. Bahala na. We cope with uncertainty by embracing it, and are thus enabled to play life by ear.
  57. Papaitan. An offal stew flavored with bile, admittedly an acquired taste, but pointing to our national ability to acquire a taste for almost anything.
  58. English. Whether carabao or Arr-neoww-accented, it doubles our chances in the global marketplace.
  59. The Press. Irresponsible, sensational, often inaccurate, but still the liveliest in Asia. Otherwise, we’d all be glued to TV.
  60. Divisoria. Smelly, crowded, a pickpocket’s paradise, but you can get anything here, often at rock-bottom prices. The sensory overload is a bonus.
  61. Barong Tagalog. Enables men to look formal and dignified without having to strangle themselves with a necktie. Worn well, it makes any ordinary Juan look marvelously makisig.
  62. Filipinas. They make the best friends, lovers, wives. Too bad they can’t say the same for Filipinos.
  63. Filipinos. So maybe they’re bolero and macho with an occasional streak of generic infidelity; they do know how to make a woman feel like one.
  64. Catholicism. What fun would sin be without guilt? Jesus Christ is firmly planted on Philippine soil.
  65. Dolphy. Our favorite, ultra-durable comedian gives the beleaguered Pinoy everyman an odd dignity, even in drag.
  66. Style. Something we often prefer over substance. But every Filipino claims it as a birthright.
  67. Bad taste. Clear plastic covers on the vinyl-upholstered sofa, posters of poker-playing dogs masquerading as art, overaccessorized jeepneys and altars–the list is endless, and wealth only seems to magnify it.
  68. Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package. Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.
  69. Unbridled optimism. Why we rank so low on the suicide scale.
  70. Street food: Barbecue, lugaw, banana-cue, fishballs, IUD (chicken entrails), adidas (chicken feet), warm taho. Forget hepatitis; here’s cheap, tasty food with gritty ambience.
  71. The siesta. Snoozing in the middle of the day is smart, not lazy.
  72. Honorifics and courteous titles: Kuya, ate, diko, ditse, ineng, totoy, Ingkong, Aling, Mang, etc. No exact English translation, but these words connote respect, deference and the value placed on kinship.
  73. Heroes and people who stood up for truth and freedom. Lapu-lapu started it all, and other heroes and revolutionaries followed: Diego Silang, Macario Sakay, Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini, Melchora Aquino, Gregorio del Pilar, Gabriela Silang, Miguel Malvar, Francisco Balagtas, Juan Luna, Marcelo H. del Pilar, Panday Pira, Emilio Jacinto, Raha Suliman, Antonio Luna, Gomburza, Emilio Aguinaldo, the heroes of Bataan and Corregidor, Pepe Diokno, Satur Ocampo, Dean Armando Malay, Evelio Javier, Ninoy Aquino, Lola Rosa and other comfort women who spoke up, honest cabbie Emilio Advincula, Rona Mahilum, the women lawyers who didn’t let Jalosjos get away with rape.
  74. Flora and fauna. The sea cow (dugong), the tarsier, calamian deer, bearcat, Philippine eagle, sampaguita, ilang-ilang, camia, pandan, the creatures that make our archipelago unique.
  75. Pilipino songs, OPM and composers:"Ama Namin," "Lupang Hinirang," "Gaano Ko Ikaw Kamahal," "Ngayon at Kailanman," "Anak," "Handog,""Hindi Kita Malilimutan," "Ang Pasko ay Sumapit"; Ryan Cayabyab, George Canseco, Restie Umali, Levi Celerio, Manuel Francisco, Freddie Aguilar, and Florante–living examples of our musical gift.
  76. Metro Aides. They started out as Imelda Marcos’ groupies, but have gallantly proven their worth. Against all odds, they continuously prove that cleanliness is next to godliness–especially now that those darned candidates’ posters have to be scraped off the face of Manila!
  77. Sari-sari store. There’s one in every corner, offering everything from bananas and floor wax to Band-Aid and bakya.
  78. Philippine National Red Cross. PAWS. Caritas. Fund drives. They help us help each other.
  79. Favorite TV shows through the years: "Tawag ng Tanghalan," "John and Marsha," "Champoy," "Ryan, Ryan Musikahan," "Kuwarta o Kahon," "Public Forum/Lives," "Student Canteen," "Eat Bulaga." In the age of inane variety shows, they have redeemed Philippine television.
  80. Quirks of language that can drive crazy any tourist listening in: "Bababa ba?" "Bababa!" or “Kakaba-kaba Ka Ba?”
  81. "Sayang!" "Naman!" "Kadiri!" "Ano ba!?" "pala." Expressions that defy translation but wring out feelings genuinely Pinoy.
  82. Cockfighting. Filipino men love it more than their wives (sometimes).
  83. Dr. Jose Rizal. A category in himself. Hero, medicine man, genius, athlete, sculptor, fictionist, poet, essayist, husband, lover, samaritan, martyr. Truly someone to emulate and be proud of, anytime, anywhere.
  84. Nora Aunor. Short, dark and homely-looking, she redefined our rigid concept of how leading ladies should look.
  85. Noranian or Vilmanian. Defines the friendly rivalry between Ate Guy Aunor and Ate Vi Santos and for many years, the only way to be for many Filipino fans.
  86. Filipino Christmas. The world’s longest holiday season. A perfect excuse to mix our love for feasting, gift-giving and music and wrap it up with a touch of religion.
  87. Relatives and kababayan abroad. The best refuge against loneliness, discrimination and confusion in a foreign place. Distant relatives and fellow Pinoys readily roll out the welcome mat even on the basis of a phone introduction or referral.
  88. Festivals: Sinulog, Ati-atihan, Moriones. Sounds, colors, pagan frenzy and Christian overtones.
  89. Folk dances. Tinikling, pandanggo sa ilaw, kari?osa, kuratsa, itik-itik, alitaptap, rigodon. All the right moves and a distinct rhythm.
  90. Native wear and costumes. Baro’t saya, tapis, terno, saya, salakot, bakya. Lovely form and ingenious function in the way we dress.
  91. Sunday family gatherings. Or, close family ties that never get severed. You don’t have to win the lotto or be a president to have 10,000 relatives. Everyone’s family tree extends all over the archipelago, and it’s at its best in times of crisis; notice how food, hostesses, money, and moral support materialize during a wake?
  92. Calesa and karitela. The colorful and leisurely way to negotiate narrow streets when loaded down with a year’s provisions.
  93. Quality of life. Where else can an ordinary employee afford a stay-in helper, a yaya, unlimited movies, eat-all-you-can buffets, the latest fashion (Baclaran nga lang), even Viagra in the black market?
  94. All Saints’ Day. In honoring our dead, we also prove that we know how to live.
  95. Handicrafts. Shellcraft, rattancraft, abaca novelties, woodcarvings, banig placemats and bags, bamboo windchimes, etc. Portable memories of home. Hindi lang pang-turista, pang-balikbayan pa!
  96. Pinoy greens. Sitaw. Okra. Ampalaya. Gabi. Munggo. Dahon ng Sili. Kangkong. Luya. Talong. Sigarillas. Bataw. Patani. Lutong bahay will never be the same without them.
  97. OCWs, now OFWs. The lengths (and miles) we’d go for a better life for our family, as proven by these modern-day heroes of the economy.
  98. The Filipino artist. From Luna’s magnificent "Spoliarium" and Amorsolo’s sun-kissed ricefields, to Ang Kiukok’s jarring abstractions and Borlongan’s haunting ghosts, and everybody else in between. Hang a Filipino painting on your wall, and you’re hanging one of Asia’s best.
  99. Tagalog soap operas. From "Gulong ng Palad" and "Flor de Luna" to today’s incarnations like "Mula sa Puso"–they’re the story of our lives, and we feel strongly for them, MariMar notwithstanding.
  100. Midnight madness, weekends sales, bangketas and baratillos. It’s retail therapy at its best, with Filipinos braving traffic, crowds, and human deluge to find a bargain.

Categories: Simply Pinoy.

Common Words / Phrases in Anime

October 8, 2005

Romajization: To indicate double length in certain words, I will use ‘ou’ instead of ‘o’ with a bar on top. Also, please note that the Japanese language has varying degree of politeness, meaning what may be an appropriate word to say to your friend, may be disrespectful when said to an older person. So please use caution. I’ll include versions of the same phrase in polite form. Also, the single ‘n’ is retained as is, and not interchanged with ‘m’ or ‘ng’. For more info on this, please read Pronouncing the Single N.

  1. Abunai – unreliable, dangerous, critical; used to describe a certain circumstance or as a warning when exclaimed which means ‘Look out!’
  2. Achira – there, yonder, that; used to point to far away directions or places.
  3. Ai – love; can also be used as a prefix for related words like aijou (affection/beloved daugther), aikouka (lover), aikata (sadness & joy), among others.
  4. Akuma – devil; or to describe a person that acts like one; the word oni can also be used and means the same thing.
  5. Arigatou – ‘Thank you’; the polite form is arigatou gozaimasu.
  6. Atarashii – new.
  7. Atode – afterwards.
  8. Baka – idiot or fool; one of the most commonly used words; the closest English translation would be ‘You fool!’ or ‘You idiot!’ .
  9. Chigau – literally it means ‘to differ from’ but when exclaimed it can be used to say ‘You’re mistaken!’ or ‘You’re wrong!’; polite form would be chigaimasu.
  10. Chikara – force, strength, energy, power.
  11. Chotto matte – ‘Wait a moment’; the polite form is chotto matte kudasai.
  12. Daijobu – ok; used to denote a state of well-being; polite form is daijobu desu.
  13. Dakara – so, thefore.
  14. Dakedo – however.
  15. Dakishimeru – to hug someone tight; to hold someone close.
  16. Doko – where; a question by itself; can be doko e? or doko desu ka?.
  17. Dame – not good; can also be used to mean ‘something unacceptable’ or ‘This will not do’.
  18. Dare – who; can be used as a question; polite form is dare desu ka?.
  19. Datte – because.
  20. Demou – but.
  21. Gaki – brat or kid; usually said in annoyance.
  22. Ganbatte ne! – do your best or do a good job; also used when wishing someone good luck; it’s polite form is ganbatte kudasai and base form is ganbaru which means ‘I will work hard’ or ‘I will do my best.’
  23. Hahaoya – mother; polite form; used to address one’s mother.
  24. Hanami – cherry-blossom viewing.
  25. Hai – yes; polite form is hai, sou desu (yes, it is so.).
  26. Hayaku – hurry; the English translation would be ‘Hurry up!’.
  27. Hentai – pervert; usually exclaimed by females when they feel a man has ‘dishonourable intentions’ ^^.
  28. Hidoi – terrible or harsh; when said, it can mean ‘How cruel!’ or ‘How horrible!’.
  29. Hime – princess; polite form is o-himesama.
  30. Hontou – truth, reality; when spoken as hontou ni can mean ‘really’ or if hontou ni? can mean ‘really?’.
  31. Hoshi – star.
  32. Hoshii – wanted, wished for, desired.
  33. Iie – no; it’s polite form is ‘iie’ plus the negative statement of what is being asked.
  34. Iku – to go; forms would be ikimasu (I’m going), ikimashou (I shall be going) or ikimashou ka? (Will you be going?).
  35. Isshoni – together; together with.
  36. Itadakimasu – usually said just before eating; I don’t know the English translation but the French would be ‘Bon appetit!’.
  37. Itai – painful.
  38. Itsu – when or how soon; deviations include itsumo (forever/always), itsudemo (any time), itsugoro (about when).
  39. Kakoi – good-looking or ‘cool’; one of the many fangirl words. ^^
  40. Kami – can be used to say either paper or hair.
  41. Kamisama – god.
  42. Kanashii – sad or sorrowful; other forms are kanashimi (sadness/grief) or kanashimu (to be sad).
  43. Kawaii – cute; in my opinion, the most used word in Japanese anime ^^.
  44. Kawaisou – pitiful, poor or pathetic; often misinterpreted as having the same meaning as kawaii but they mean different things.
  45. Kimochi – feelings, sensation, mood; can be combined with other related words such as kimochiii which means ‘good feeling’ or ‘feeling good’.
  46. Kirei – beautiful or pretty.
  47. Kochira – this way; used to point to directions or places that are near the speaker; as an exclamation, it is ‘This way!’
  48. Kodomo – child.
  49. Kokoro – heart; it can also mean mind or spirit.
  50. Konnichiwa – ‘Good day’; used to greet someone; from the root word konnichi which means ‘today’.
  51. Kotoba – word/s, language or speech
  52. Kuso – profanity; English translation would be ‘Shit!’.
  53. Mada – still or yet; can also mean ‘Not yet’.
  54. Mahou – magic, witchcraft or sorcery.
  55. Makenai – in its literal term, it means ‘I won’t lose!’; its base form is makeru.
  56. Mamoru – to protect, to obey or to guard.
  57. Mattaku – really, truly; usually used to express exasperation.
  58. Matta ne! – ‘See you!’; a preferable phrase than sayonara because it denotes that the meeting will be soon rather than far off in the future; can also be interchanged with ja ne!; other deviations would be matta ashita (see you tomorrow) or matta raishu (see you next week).
  59. Mou – already, again; when exclaimed can be ‘Enough’ or a sign of exasperation.
  60. Nakama – groupmate, partner, associate, circle or friends.
  61. Naruhodo – ‘I see’ or “Now I know’; can also mean ‘indeed’.
  62. Ohayou – ‘Good morning’; used as a greeting; its polite form is ohayou gozaimasu.
  63. Oishii – delicious or tasty.
  64. Okaasan – mother; polite form; can also be reidou.
  65. Okaeri – English translation is ‘ Welcome home!’; polite form is okaerinasai.
  66. Oneesan – older sister; polite form; can also be ane, neesan, aneki (used if close to sibling), aneue.
  67. Onegai – ‘Please’; can also be used when asking a favor from someone; the polite form is onegaishimasu.
  68. Onigiri – Japanese riceball.
  69. Oniisan – older brother; polite form, can also be aniki (used if close to sibling), anigo or kakei.
  70. Onna – a woman.
  71. Otoko – a man.
  72. Otousan – father; polite form.
  73. Ouji – prince; polite form is oujisama.
  74. Oyasumi – ‘Goodnight’; used to wish someone goodnight usually before sleeping; its polite form is oyasuminasai.
  75. Ryoukai – understanding or comprehension; English translation would be ‘I understand’, ‘Got it!’ or even ‘Roger!’.
  76. Sabishii – lonely or lonesome.
  77. Sakura – cherry blossom; a sacred flower in Japan and it blooms only once a year; the event is celebrated in a Sakura Festival with parades and picnics.
  78. Sayonara – ‘Goodbye’; apart from its popular meaning, this usually denotes a ‘final’ goodbye, meaning that the one it is said to won’t see the other person for a very long time yet.
  79. Senpai – an upper-class man, superior, elder; used to address someone of a higher level, usually in school.
  80. Shiawase – happiness or good fortune; can be a prefix for other words like shiawasemono which means fortunate person.
  81. Shimatta – profanity; English translation would be ‘Damn it!’
  82. Shinjite – to believe, to put your trust in someone or something; has different forms like shinjitsu (truth/ reality), shinjou (true feeling) or shinjiru (to place trust in).
  83. Soshite – and
  84. Sou – so, really, seeming; polite form is sou desu (It is so); forms include sou desu ne? (Don’t you agree?) or sou desu ka? (Is it so?).
  85. Sugoi – great or amazing; it is used to express pleasure or amazement at something; polite forms are sugoi desu! (It’s great!) or sugoi desu ne? (It’s great, isn’t it?).
  86. Tadaima – English translation is ‘ I’m home!’ or ‘Here I am!’.
  87. Taihen – awful, dreadful; used when describing a predicament or situation; the closest English equivalent is ‘I/We have a problem!’ or ‘Something awful has happened!’; polite form is taihen desu.
  88. Tatakai – battle or combat; in its verb form it is tatakau which means ‘I will fight!’.
  89. Tenshi – angel; can also mean heavenly or imperial gift.
  90. Tomodachi – friend.
  91. Totemo – very, awfully, exceedingly.
  92. Tsubasa – wings; a word that’s prevailent in anime, especially CLAMP works ^^.
  93. Umai – tasty; can be used instead of oishii but can also mean ‘clever’ or ‘skillful’.
  94. Ureshii – happy or glad; other forms include ureshinamida (tears of joy).
  95. Uso – a lie; polite form would be ‘Uso desu’; deviations are usobuku (to exaggerate), usotsuki (liar) or usohappyaku (full of lies).
  96. Yakusoku – arrangement or promise; young people sometimes interwine their little finger with another persons’ to seal their promise.
  97. Yare – as an expression it means ‘Oh!’ or ‘Oh dear!’; it is also sometimes said twice in emphasis, as in ‘Yare, yare!’.
  98. Yasashii – easy, plain or simple; can be used to describe a situation, event or thing.
  99. Yume – dream.
  100. Zettai – absolute or unconditional; can have forms of zettaichi (absolute value) among others.

That all for now! ^^ I might make a second part of this soon to cover more words I haven’t included here. Hopefully, I can find the time. ^^

Categories: Anime and Manga Addict.

Coffee and Candy

October 8, 2005

After buying and finishing her cup of coffee, Jasmine starts window shopping with Licorne.
Jasmine: *smiles in wonder* Ooh!
Licorne: What?
Jasmine: I can feel the coffee inside my tummy!
Licorne: *grimaces* Is that really something you’d tell me about? *rolls eyes*
Jasmine: I can’t help it! I love the way it moves inside my stomach.
- Silence -
Licorne: Should I leave you two alone?


Note: Toilet cleaner = hydrochloric acid (well, basically)
At the grocery store, Jasmine reaches for a bottle of toilet cleaner and puts it in her grocery basket.
Licorne: Didn’t you just buy a bottle of that last week?
Jasmine: Yes, but we already ran out of it this week.
Licorne: *wonders* How can you use up that much toilet cleaner in one week? (an idea strikes) You drink it don’t you?
Jasmine: What?! I do not!
Licorne: (nodding in comprehension) No wonder your skin is so white. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "cleans from the inside out."
Jasmine: I do not drink it!


The two girls walk past a little girl riding in a grocery trolley. The little girl suddenly screams.
Child: Waaaaiiiii!
Jasmine turns to the child and smiles.
Jasmine: (smiling) Hi!
- Silence -
Licorne: The child’s too shocked by fear at the sight of your face to reply.
Jasmine: (to Licorne) You’re so mean!


Licorne’s brows are furrowed in concentration at the thing she’s holding.
Licorne: It’s pink, kind of soft, but a bit rough too. I squish it; I lick it; and then I put it in my mouth. It feels slippery; I swirl it around and around my mouth; I play my tongue over it; I can even bite it… and then…
Jasmine: You’re playing with a gummy bear again, aren’t you?
Licorne: I swallow it! Nyahaha!


Still at the grocery store.
Jasmine: Let’s go over there.
Licorne: Why? We’ve got everything on our grocery list here.
Jasmine: There’s a new item in my shopping list today.
Licorne: What?
Jasmine: I don’t even want to tell you. You’d accuse me of something I don’t do.
Licorne: Why? What is it?
- Silence -
Jasmine: *sighs* Racumin (rat poison)
Licorne suddenly smiles and opens her mouth to say something. Jasmine holds up one hand to stop her.
Jasmine: Don’t. Even. Say it.

Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.

Laws of Anime

October 8, 2005

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito. I did not write these; the laws are just so hilarious that we wanted to to share this article with you. ^^

  1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity – The normal laws of physics do not apply.
  2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation – Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
  3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics – In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
  4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion – In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
  5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion – The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
  6. Law of Temporal Variability – Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something ‘cool’ or ‘impressive’. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
  7. First Law of Temporal Mortality – ‘Good Guys’ and ‘Bad Guys’ both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
  8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality – It takes some time for bad guys to die… regardless of physical damage. Even when the ‘Bad Guys’ are killed so quickly they didn’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
  9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis – Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
  10. Law of Dramatic Multiplicity – Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a ‘Good Guy’ kicks the ‘Bad Guy’ in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
  11. Law of Inherent Combustability – Everything explodes. Everything.
    • First Corollary – Anything that explodes bulges first.
    • Second Corollary – Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as ‘The Matchstick City’.
  12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission – Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
  13. Law of Energetic Emission – There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy ‘bulge’) before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
  14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude – The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
    • First Corollary – Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

  15. Law of Inexhaustability – No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
  16. Law of Inverse Accuracy – The accuracy of a ‘Good Guy’ when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the ‘Bad Guys’ when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
  17. Example: A ‘Good Guy’ in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of ‘Bad Guys’ firing on a ‘Good Guy’ standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

    • First Corollary – The more ‘Bad Guys’ there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
    • Second Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is faced with insurmountable odds, the ‘Bad Guys’ line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
    • Third Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated ‘Good Guy Area’, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the ‘Good Guy’ from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
  18. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability – Minmei is a bimbo.
  19. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity – The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
  20. Law of Demonic Consistency – Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
  21. Law of Militaristic Unreliability – Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
  22. Law of Tactical Unreliability – Tactical geniuses aren’t….
  23. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability – People never notice the little things… Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
  24. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality – Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
  25. Law of Americanthropomorphism – Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny ‘Bad Guy’ or a big stupid ‘Good Guy’.
    • First Corollary – The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
    • Second Corollary – The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
  26. Law of Mandibular Proportionality (from A. Hicks) – The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
  27. Law of Feline Mutation (from A. Hicks) – Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
    • be female
    • will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
    • and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
  28. Law of Conservation of Firepower (from U. Williams) – Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
  29. Law of Technological User-Benevolence (from U. Williams) – The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
  30. Law of Melee Luminescence (from U. Williams) – Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for ‘good guys’ and red for ‘bad guys’. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
  31. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism (from U. Williams) – All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
  32. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability (from Spellweaver) – Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
  33. Law of Follicular Permanence – Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons… with bladed weapons!
  34. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics – *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
  35. Law of Probable Attire – Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
    Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
    Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn’t hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
    • First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) – All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
    • Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) – Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
  36. Law of Musical Omnipotence – Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more “simple” things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on… especially if they have never attempted these things before.
  37. Law of Quitupular Aggultination (from Daniel Mikula) – Also called “The Five-man Rule,” when “Good Guys” group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
    • The Hero/Leader
    • His girlfriend
    • His Best Friend/Rival
    • A Hulking Brute
    • A Dwarf/Kid

    Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

    • Extreme Coolness
    • Amazing intelligence
    • Incredible Irritation
  38. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance (from Jason Bustard) – All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice.
    • First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) – The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
  39. Law of Hydrostatic Emission – Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
  40. Law of Inverse Attraction – Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
    • First Corollary – Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world…
  41. Law of Nasal Sanguination (from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen) – When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though… the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
  42. Law of Xylolaceration (from Lyndon Harris) – Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
  43. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence (from Erin Alia) – Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
  44. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia – There is no Law #43.
  45. Law of Nominative Clamovocation (from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah) – The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
  46. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis (from R. A. Hubby) – Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any ‘Bad Guys’ witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
  47. Law of Flimsy Incognition (from Conrad Knauer) – Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

Source : http://www.abcb.com/laws/

Categories: Anime and Manga Addict.

Medical Unknowns

October 8, 2005

Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately — without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."

Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?

Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They’ll clear up your stuffed nose.

Achy muscles from the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in a cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.

Sore Throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.

Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve wo tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly — even though the product has never been advertised for this use.

Eliminate puffiness under your eyes…. All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.

Honey remedy for skin blemishes… Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin, sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.

Listerine therapy for toenail fungus… Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.

Easy eyeglass protection… To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.

Coca-Cola cure for rust… Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.

Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer… If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can’t find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.

Smart splinter remover. just pour a drop of Elmers Glue all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.

Hunt’s tomato paste boil cure… cover the boil with Hunt’s tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.

Balm for broken blisters… To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine… a powerful antiseptic.

Heinz vinegar to heal bruises… Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.

Quaker Oat for fast pain relief……it’s not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Ouaker Oats and 1cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.

Categories: Good for Nothing Facts.

You Must be Married to a Filipina If. . .

October 8, 2005

(Written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife despite "irregularities")

  1. Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
  2. Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
  3. You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyesbrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
  4. The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can’t tell apart.
  5. All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
  6. Even the ketchup [catsup (Jason) =)] tastes weird.
  7. You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
  8. Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy."
  9. Your first X-mas present is some funny-looking, baggy see-through shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
  10. Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
  11. The rice cooker is on 24/7 and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
  12. On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry-on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
  13. All your postage bills instantly double.
  14. Her favorite sauce is called patis. Americans call it turpentine.
  15. You were married five years before she explained to you that "Aray" doesn’t mean "Ooh, baby!"
  16. Her homeland has more megamalls than islands.
  17. Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
  18. Her friends are named Chinky, Baby, Boy, and Bimbo and you’re not allowed to smirk.
  19. All your place settings are backwards and there are no spoons.
  20. She’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
  21. AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess until you go to the Philippines and can’t tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she’s taller than 5’1". Then it’s a bit easier).

Categories: Simply Pinoy.