- 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- All men are idiots, and I married their King.
- Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
- Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
- Assassins do it from behind.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Beer: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
- Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- Borrow money from a pessimist, they don’t expect it back.
Archive for » July, 2007 «
Jul
25
Jul
16
Some questions that could make your boggle your brains or make you groan in dismay. ^^
1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…..
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,”Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? (Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me) (I know there’s a logical explanation, but it escapes me)
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? (needed to think about that one)
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war? @#&%$!!!# ?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “Lisp” to have “S” in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Jul
03
* The ff was a shared document by an officemate. Really made our day. ^0^
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Remember, half the people you know are below average.
- He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
- Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a few payments.
- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
- OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
- When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
- What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Inside every older perrson is a younger person wondering, “What the hell happened?”
- Just remember-if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
- Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
- Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn you butt tomorrow.
- One Out of Four People in This Country is Mentally Unbalanced. Think of your three closes friends… If they seem okay, then You’re the ONE.
NOTE: Not sure to which country this is referring to, but it’s funny anyway. ^_^
