- Mirai^ – ~On coming to uni rather late~
Friend: Where the hell have you been?
Mirai^: My pillow and blanket tag-teamed in seducing me in bed. - Satoki – My mum asked how come the pages of her Women’s Journal were apparently glued together … and why they smelt like ROTTEN SANDWICHES. Just remembering that I had squashed my super sticky sandwich there a while ago and conveniently neglected to clean it up, I made up the following excuse…
‘In Science, we were asked to use cat/dog food to make paper mache statues. U-um, it’s to test the properties of processed food especially for animals…’
And she believed me, yay, due to the fact my science teacher at the time was a little eccentric and VERY animal friendly. Kind of ^^;. However, I can’t use that excuse again, because opportunities like are rare and few.
- Atsu-chan – I told my teacher, “Mrs.Roe! I would never do that!….Only when I’m
feeling evil.”I was lying though…She thought i slapped another student..and because I’m SO good..she didn’t believe the other kid! and i AM evil!
- Darkisc – So, a few years back, ok maybe 5 years back I had gotten into this
little phase where I was obsessed with eating walnuts. I don’t know why, but I was. I’d buy whole bags of the walnuts still in the shell, and I’d crack them open with my hands.So, there was this one day in late November, where I’d gone to a friend’s house to hang out. and when I got there, he looked at my pocket and asked “Dude, what the heck do you have in your pocket?! It’s all lumpy, and looks freaking gross!”
I simply responded. “Ah yes, you must be referring to my lovely collection of squid tentacles I keep in my specially vacuum sealed bag, that way when bear approach I can whiff a good rancid ploom of rancid tentacles at the bear who quickly runs away with disgust. Knowing that the smell is too much like tendonitus (even though it had nothing to do with smell). The bear will fear for it’s life as I enjoy my safety another day.”
My friend was of course responding. “Dude, you have issues.”
Of course, when I left my friend’s house late that night, I had showed him what was really in my pocket, which he thought made more, yet no sense at all as to why I carried walnuts in my pocket. when I got home, the bulge had only gotten larger in my pocket because I bought
more at the store.When I walked past my dad, he was quick to spot me, as he went, “Son, come here.” As I got to him, he went, “Show me what you have in your pocket.” He thought I was trying to sneak something into my room, he used to be a cop, so it’s natural to him. Though, when I pulled out a
large zip-lock back filled with tons of walnuts, my father looked at me and went “Son, why in the world are you carrying a sack of walnuts in your pocket?”
I had to think quickly, so my response came out something like this. “Because, if you think about it, the squirrels around here have been getting really aggressive. So when I carry the walnuts around, I have a two birds with one stone weapon. The squirrels here really don’t like me too much, so they try to hurt me with acorns and almonds. Or the try to chew on my head. So, if I open my bag of nuts, and start throwing, I can knock one guy out, as the others quickly get
distracted by the fact there’s an even bigger nut in the area. So, I’m saving mankind in the town of Antelope by keeping the squirrels happy and pre-occupied so they will no longer gain thoughts of taking over the world so they can force us to harvest their nuts. The quirrels
shall pay.”My father only shook his head and walked off “You’re weird, that was just out there son.”
I thought it was fun.
- Kiruhari – Once I didn’t get an assignment done and the teacher asked me why and I said “Well, i set my stuff inside the house and went out to get the mail. Forgetting I locked the door, so I was stuck outside from 3:34-11 pm.” I couldn’t believe he believed me.
It’s pretty much true but the time is a little different, i got locked out my house from 3:34-5:30 and didn’t want to do my homework. It works to ’cause my peoples work to 11pm sometimes.
The same day i made another excuse to get out of both 5th and 6th periods. I told the nurse I had a very bad headache and everytime i heard a semi-loud noise it really really hurt. I was acting really good too, I was all crying and stuff….They sent me home after that….
- wiccachick5 – Actually, this one didn’t work, cause my mom is dead, but i think it’s still is plausible for other ppl…
i had to do my homework last night, but i forgot, so this is what i told my teacher…
“I had to go bail my mom out of jail again, so i couldn’t do my homework”
She looked at me strangly and laughed at me, and said i was off the hook, cause i made her laugh.
- maniackiller – I didn’t give this excuse, but a classmate of mine did. I just had to
share it xDDThe whole class didn’t do the trigonometry homework, so our furious teacher ordered everyone to give a reason for not doing it. My classmate’s excuse?
“Sorry, miss- but I decided that watching Spiderman 3 was a higher priority than trig homework.’
The best part… she got away with it xD
- Liana – Well- as a child, i always liked looking at my mum’s jewelery because
she had so many lovely pearls and jeweled brooches etc. Anyways- When I was about 7 or 8, I ‘borrowed’ my mums gold owl brooch to wear without her knowing (mainly just to show off to my friends at school) but i lost it at lunch time and started freaking out, knowing mum would ground me forever if she had found out I had lost it at school. When she asked me about it a few days later I ‘confessed’: I said that I took it out of her box and was playing with it outside on the veranda. I then told her than a huge crow swooped down, grabbed it in its beak and flew off with it. I then burst out crying and told her how scary the crow was and mum comforted me- telling me now to worry and how brave i was facing the bird.I still cannot believe i got away with that…
- neko_kyo92 – this was when i was 6. i was over at my cousin’s house playing with my oldest cousin. me and him always play video games. this on time, we played football and i kept my player going in circles all the way to the touchdown. however, my cousin finally tackled me. anyways, my aunt came to pick me up and i told her i didn’t want to go. she said. “you
have to, your mom wants u home now.” i just looked up at her and said.“i don’t want to go home. i want to stay here and play. beside to, i have to stay because he’s controlling my mind right now. he’s telling me to stay. so if i stay i’m free. if i don’t, i’ll be a slave
forever.”eventually i got to stay but then got yelled at by my mom xDD
- Ichigo Neko – I farted in class once and then all my friends looked at me so I pointed at my teacher and pretended to laugh at her because I was sitting up front and they believed me that the teacher was the one to fart! xDD
September 26, 2007
Categories: Articles, Top 10s.
September 4, 2007
What’s the weirdest thing you used to believe in when you were younger?
- AnimeDudess – Not that I remember saying this, but one of my friends said we were at a party when little and she said that I said Chinese people are bornfrom their bottoms!!
- megame_chan99 – I used to believed that head lice came from the sun. Seriously! I'd imagine them riding the sun's waves until they reached the top of my head
- Simply_Syra – The weirdest thing I believed was that boys could make you pregnant if you breathed in their breath. I always thought that kissing had to do with exchanging breath and I knew that kissing was involved with, uh….babies. XD
So I used to hold my breath around boys.
- ConCon – I used to believe that when I step on somebody's shadow I would cause damage to them. So, I try to avoid on stepping on anybody's shadow.
- Ichigo Neko – I used to think bubbles were alive so whenever I blew them, I prayed for their freedom! xD
- Ichigo Neko – I dunno how he did this but.. my uncle squeezed this coin in his hand and you could see like a shape of a coing going up his skin and down the other arm and into the other handd!! So I thought he was related to God.
- Alaena – Well… first I'd have to explain. When I was little, we lived in a trailer, and we put dirty clothes in the tub, since we didn't have running water (don't look at me like I'm old! I'm 17. ^___^) Well, I always believed that there was an evil monster hiding under the clothes in the tub, and if I didn't walk really quiet, it would grab me and drag me under the clothes, and keep me there forever. There were also monsters in the toilet and behind doors, but even though I kept telling myself that monsters weren't for real, I still walked
really quietly… - Ichigo Neko – I used to think babies came from belly buttons. xDD And I also thought thought that pokemons and stuf like that were real.
- LondonTiptonFan – There is a door in my closet and I was told that skeletons were in there and they'd eat me if I stayed up past my bedtime. I immediately fell asleep, but I was so scared that I had nightmares. i also thought that there were snakes under my bed and that if I didn't fall asleep right away they'd eat me.
- wiccachick5 – When my parents decided I was old enough to give up my pacifier (my binky!) they told me I had to leave it in my Easter basket the night before Easter, so the Easter Bunny could take it and give it to children who needed a binky. I believed them, and the Easter bunny left me extra candy that year since I was such a generous child.
Categories: Top 10s.
August 28, 2007
- Michru Kanzaga – Okay I have a new crazy thing…during sll the prep work for the ridding I seriously considered getting a sex change….lol being a girl is so troublesome lol
- Koneko-chan – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is to eat myself live. Skin is salty and blood tastes good… ^w^ I’ve wanted to do this ever since I was a little kid.
- Norika Hiwatari – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is to hunt a vampire and hope that vampire bites me… blame my Twilight addiction for that. XD
- silverwoulfe – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do iiiiiiiiiiii~s… *drum roll* not take a bath for a month, not brush my teeth for two weeks, and WALK AROUND THE STREETS STARK NEKID (naked)!!!
- megame_chan99 – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is run out to the rain wearing only a bikini.
- megame_chan99 – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is to be a hermit… What? It’s my dream life! No school, no responsibilities, no hygiene (okay, that part is a little gross X_X) I’ll have to live off the land though XD. Squirrel anyone? 8D
- Mirai^ – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is to be normal.
- little_kitty – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do was wonder what it would be liked to be killed by a 50ft giant squid. This I blame to Tanemura-sensei.
- hikari – the craziest thing i secretly wanted to do was kill the little demon shigure
- ouranfan101 – The craziest thing I’ve secretly wanted to do is go through my WHOLE life as my favorite anime character, Hunny from OHSHC. And by that I would dress like him, act like him, and sound like him. And I can already sound like him!!!
Categories: Top 10s.
August 21, 2007
- Renge Houshakuji – I ate a tooth on accident before. my sister had a loose tooth and she was eating an apple. it was the last one so i persuaded her to give me a bite. turns out her loose tooth got stuck on the apple… back then i always did wonder why that apple tasted weird.
- Atsu-chan – I didn’t exactly eat it..but the stuff inside those glowstick necklaces.. I accidentally broke it and the stuff got in my mouth.It was hot and burned my tongue..apparently, that stuff is toxic.Luckily, i spit it out!
- ouranfan101 – I have eaten a whole bowl full of bugs for a dare. I ate about twenty LIVE worms, 10 DEAD flies, 6 LIVE spiders, and a lot more bugs, but I can’t remember what the others are. But, that was the weirdest thing I’ve EVER eaten.
- silverwoulfe – Frog’s legs… I mean, frog’s muscles… raw muscles~ 8D That was when we studied the anatomy of the frog… and I got hungry T_T … turns out, it tastes like chicken after all~ XDDD
- megame_chan99 – I almost swallowed gel pen ink D:. I was writing something in my notebook when my pen refused to write, so I removed the bottom cap and started to blow on that ink thingy (sorry XD; I have no idea what it’s called) but I inhaled by mistake and I tasted the ink @_@. Good thing I had tissue with me and I spat it out there.
- Ichigo Neko – When I was a baby,(toddler) I ate my own poo.
- Norika Hiwatari – I chewed on the plastic balloon. XD;; I found it tasty before. XD;;;
- Ichigo Neko – Oh yeah! When I was six, my little sister was a baby and she vomited and my brother dared me to lick it and… I did…
- Mirai^ – I ate a mosquito by accident. It was summer and I went bicycling to the mountains with my brother and his friends and we sometimes have conversations while coasting. Someone happened to crack a joke and I laughed… something went in and I thought it was my hair (I had bits flying about) so I tried to stick my tongue out to push it back out but it MOVED on my tongue. So I swallowed it. It wasn’t particularly unpleasant. It was tasteless.
- commanderjay – I constantly drink Dihydrogen Oxide !!! very poisonous and dangerous can turn boulders into mush (Admin: This will be a consolation prize CJ.. just for the nerve of saying you drink weird water.. XD)
Categories: Top 10s.
June 15, 2007
We’re open for business again, and this time everyone can join in and post their insanity. Here’s what happened when I showed the new look of the site to Mirai.
licorne: michan..?
michan: hai?
licorne: don’t… make fun of it ok?.. constructive criticism.. tell me if it’s a no-go..
licorne: http://winglica.com/
licorne: T____________________T
michan: *opens*
michan: OHMYGODTHESMILEYSARESOCUTE!!!!!!!!
michan: AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!
michan: PUT THEM ON THE FORUM KACHOU-SAMA!!!! PUT THEM ON THE FORUM!!!!!!!!!
licorne: XDDD
michan: AAAAAHHHHH SO CUUUTTEE!!!! >U<
licorne: honto? we’ll open it as an free-for-all posting site where all can post crazy stuff….
michan: i can’t decide which i like the most… (cries)
licorne: XDD
licorne: it was worst for me.. i had to pick a line-up for the banner.. i dare say the other smilies who were excluded are not happy with me..
michan: O_____O THERE ARE MORE?!??!?!?!?!
licorne: hai..loads…
licorne: argg.. the smilie who got hit by a brick isn’t there… T_T
michan: FORUUMMM FORUM NOOOWWW (cries)
licorne: XDDDDD
michan: this will open up
michan: a whole new dimension
licorne: XDDD
michan: in the smiley wars
licorne: XDD
licorne: Smiley Wars: The Next Generation
michan: (lol)
michan: Smiley Wars: Episode Two
michan: Smiley Wars: The Return of the Grin
licorne: The Smilie Menace
licorne: XDD
michan: (lol)
licorne: The Toothless Terror
michan: i’m too giggly to think about any more smiley titles XDDD
licorne: XDDD
Categories: Messengers.
January 18, 2007
The University of Hertfordshire recently concluded a research project to find the best jokes in the world. Here they are :
Best Joke in the world
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
Second Place
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Top joke in USA
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil.
Top joke in Belgium
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks
Top joke in Germany
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
Top joke in UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Top Joke in England
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
Top Joke in Wales
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”
Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
Categories: Humor Post.
December 11, 2005
(Written by two people by the names of Barbara and David Mikkelson)
Pop Rocks were invented by a research scientist by the name of William A. Mitchell. The candy was presented to the public in 1975 and enchanted young children with it’s “fizzleâ€Â. Each small nugget contained carbon which would release whenever a Pop Rock would be placed in the mouth. It resulted to an “exploding†and yet “sizzling†experience.
p>Legend says, combining Pop Rocks with carbonated drinks such as soda, would make the stomach explode from too much carbon dioxide. Truthfully, Pop Rocks have the same amount of carbon as half a can of soda. Combining the two would result to nothing other than a belch. Although the candy was thoroughly tested, few people of Seattle were still quite alarmed. A hotline was made by The Food and Drug Administration which was to guarantee that Pop Rocks wouldn’t cause their children to choke.
Catwin C.:
Rumors say, Little Mikey of LIFE Cereal died by eating six packets of Pop Rocks followed by drinking a can of Pepsi. That rumor was proven wrong. The reason why he was the victim was because Mikey was known to many children by his famed commercials. If anything was to happen to him, it would certainly be passed around. The man who played as Mikey, John Gilchrist is still alive and kicking. He now works at New York radio station as an advertising manager.
General Foods was fought back the “exploded kid†rumors on 1979 by making full page ads on 45 publications, sending 50,000 letters to schools all over America, and sent the inventor of the crazed confection to travel around, explaining how Pop Rocks have about the same amount of carbon as a half a can of soda.
At around 1983, the company stopped selling Pop Rocks which was thought to be “proof†that the candy was harmful. What they didn’t know was that Kraft bought the product from General Foods two years later and then sold it as “Action Candy†from a company known as Carbonated Candy. Pop Rocks are sold now under their original name, Pop Rocks Incorporation.
Categories: Good for Nothing Facts.
October 24, 2005
Licorne is looking at a lyric sheet of a Japanese love song. The sheet contains the Japanese and English translations.
Licorne: Hey! Look here! The japanese line is ‘nakidashite shimatta‘ but the english translation is ‘I ended up crying.’
Jasmine: So?
Licorne: But doesn’t shimatta mean ‘Damn it!’ in English?
Jasmine: Yeah.
Licorne: So shouldn’t the lyrics mean ‘I ended up crying, damn it!’ ?
Jasmine: Don’t ruin a perfectly good love song!
Note: We know that’s not the only meaning of the word ‘shimatta’ but we just wanted to mess with you. XD
As they’re passing by a computer hardware store:
Jasmine: Urrg. I remember I have to buy a damn printer.
Licorne: Damn printer? Why?
Jasmine: Because my damn printer’s broken! *shakes fist anime-style*
Licorne: Damn? That’s going to be the Word of the Day, isn’t it?
Jasmine: Damn right!
Due to recent terrorist threats, shoppers’ bags are inspected at the malls to ensure that they don’t contain explosives or any other dangerous devices. Sensors and alarms are also installed on store doorways. The two girls enter a bookstore with the doorway alarms.
Jasmine: Hmp! All this security!
Licorne: I was kind of wishing the alarm would go off when you pass the door.
Jasmine: *sticks out tongue* But I’ll know what I’ll say when it goes off when I pass through it.
Licorne: What?
Jasmine: *holds up hands in a reassuring manner to invisible people* It’s ok. That’s normal. It’s just me. I’m The Bomb!
Licorne: *starts walking in the opposite direction* Eee–gads!
During a telephone conversation.
Licorne: Why is your voice so hoarse?
Jasmine: I have a cold.
Licorne: Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like it.
Jasmine: No. I transform into a guy at night so the pitch of my voice goes much lower.
Licorne: Oh.
- Silence -
Licorne: Something like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
Jasmine: Yep.
- Silence -
Licorne: So who am I talking to right now, then?
During another telephone conversation.
Jasmine: Hello?
Licorne: You’re voice is hoarse again.
Jasmine: That’s because I have a cold. Again.
Licorne: Good thing you don’t talk to the members at night then. You’d scare them out of their wits.
Jasmine: Hey! I got a funny text message. The person must have sent it to me by mistake.
Licorne: Why is it so funny?
Jasmine: It says, ‘Honey, How are you? Don’t forget to bring back a present for our son. From Mom.’ Isn’t it hilarious? Me, having a son! Whahaha!
Licorne: You have a son?! What did you do?
Jasmine: I didn’t do anything! As if I have a son!
Licorne: Are you sure? You transform into a guy at night, remember? Who knows what you do then?
- Silence -
Jasmine: Oh.
Licorne: In fact, how can we be sure what you do then? You could literally have hundreds of sons and daughters running around everywhere, and hundreds of wives besides! Oh, the unspeakable horror!
Jasmine: Shut up.
Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.
October 13, 2005
Note: Some snippets will be written in our native language as they have more ‘impact’ when said that way. Nonetheless, English translations will still be included. Note that the English translations will be the closest translations in meaning or thought in the whole sentence. I will not translate the per English word, as that will compromise the idea and meanings of the conversations.
This was a phone text last September 23, 2005.
Jasmine: Happy Birthday! Tumatanda ka na! =) (Happy Birthday! You’re getting old! =))
Licorne: Salamat! Pero tandaan mo, pag tumatanda ako, mas matanda ka! Nyahaha! (Thank you! But remember, if I’m getting old, you’re always older! Nyahaha!)
Jasmine: Ayoko na! Break na tayo! (That’s it! We’re through! or We’re breaking up! )
Licorne: Hmp! Ikaw lang naman ang balik ng balik sa akin eh! (Hmp! You’re the one who keeps coming back to me!)
Note: Licorne = chocaholic (excessive love for chocolate); Jasmine = coffeeholic (excessive love for coffee)
Roaming the mall, they see a shop with a sign that says “Chocolate Ecstasy – 3 for P100″ So they stop and look.
Licorne: Look at that! Chocolate! *bites lower lip* The cake is covered with chocolate icing and it’s swimming in rich, thick and creamy chocolate sauce! Oh, to buy or not to buy?
Jasmine: *not caring* As I’m not the chocaholic, the sight of that does not affect me.
Licorne: But didn’t you know that some chocolates are taken from the same bean that produces coffee? So in that case they have almost similar ingredients!
- Silence -
Jasmine: How much did you say it was again?
Licorne: Where have you been?! I’ve been calling for hours!
Jasmine: Why? You missed me? =)
Licorne: Get away from me.
Jasmine: You know, I was thinking–
Licorne: Did it hurt?
Jasmine: Stop that! I was thinking, if we publish most of our wacky conversations online, and due to the their frequent theme, some people might think we’re more than friends.
Licorne: Eh?!?!
Jasmine: Ooh, Yuri!
(Yuri: In anime terms, girl to girl love)
They look at each other for a moment.
Jasmine and Licorne: Eewwwwww!!! *their distance from each other increased 4 meters*
Jasmine: That idea’s so gross!
Licorne: Excuse me while I gag in overwhelming self disgust.
*shudders*
Note: We do not condemn or even presume to judge people who have this preference (girls who like girls). They have a freedom to choose their life and far be it for us to judge them. However, we are not of the same inclinations, and that should also be respected. I repeat, we like men! =)
Jasmine has managed to coerce Licorne into watching the movie “The Corpse Bride.” As they had close to an hour before the movie starts, they decided to eat at a nearby food store.
While eating, Jasmine sees a little kid in a stroller; she smiles and signals to Licorne to look at the child.
Licorne: *rolls eyes*
Jasmine: What? The kid’s cute!
Licorne: Pedophile.
Jasmine: Thank you!
While watching the movie:
Jasmine: That’s the scariest looking animated maggot I have ever seen.
Licorne: Yeah. Who would have thought that a maggot can wear so much lipstick?!
Jasmine: Why does it seem that I’m always the underdog in these conversations?
Licorne: Hey, don’t blame me. I always send them to you for approval, or to edit or delete as you like. But you don’t change a thing and you approve its posting online. What are you complaining about?
Jasmine: I know, I know. I know these conversations are true to life, but. . . after reading them, I never realized how much of an underdog I am.
Licorne: *shocked* I–I didn’t know . . . I mean, after almost 10 years of friendship, you only realized that now?
Jasmine: Someday I’m going to strangle you, you know.
Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.
October 8, 2005
(Reprinted from the Philippine Daily Inquirer Sunday Magazine)
FROM the 1896 Revolution to the first Philippine Republic, the Commonwealth period, the EDSA Revolt, and the tiger cub economy, history marches on. Thankfully, however, some things never change. Like the classics, things irresistibly Pinoy mark us for life. They’re the indelible stamp of our identity, the undeniable affinity that binds us like twins.
They celebrate the good in us, the best of our culture and the infinite possibilities we are all capable of. Some are so self-explanatory you only need mention them for fellow Pinoys to swoon or drool. Here, from all over this Centennial-crazed country and in no particular order, are a hundred of the best things that make us unmistakably Pinoy.
- Merienda. Where else is it normal to eat five times a day?
- Sawsawan. Assorted sauces that guarantee freedom of choice, enough room for experimentation and maximum tolerance for diverse tastes. Favorites: toyo’t calamansi, suka at sili, patis.
- Kuwan, ano. At a loss for words? Try these and marvel at how Pinoys understand exactly what you want.
- Pinoy humor and irreverence. If you’re api and you know it, crack a joke. Nothing personal, really.
- Tingi. Thank goodness for small entrepreneurs. Where else can we buy cigarettes, soap, condiments and life’s essentials in small affordable amounts?
- Spirituality. Even before the Spaniards came, ethnic tribes had their own anitos, bathalas and assorted deities, pointing to a strong relationship with the Creator, who or whatever it may be.
- Po, opo, mano po. Speech suffixes that define courtesy, deference, filial respect–a balm to the spirit in these aggressive times.
- Pasalubong. Our way of sharing the vicarious thrills and delights of a trip, and a wonderful excuse to shop without the customary guilt.
- Beaches! With 7000 plus islands, we have miles and miles of shoreline piled high with fine white sand, lapped by warm waters, and nibbled by exotic tropical fish. From the stormy seas of Batanes to the emerald isles of Palawan–over here, life is truly a beach.
- Bagoong. Darkly mysterious, this smelly fish or shrimp paste typifies the underlying theme of most ethnic foods: disgustingly unhygienic, unbearably stinky and simply irresistible.
- Bayanihan. Yes, the internationally-renowned dance company, but also this habit of pitching in still common in small communities. Just have that cold beer and some pulutan ready for the troops.
- The Balikbayan box. Another way of sharing life’s bounty, no matter if it seems like we’re fleeing Pol Pot everytime we head home from anywhere in the globe. The most wonderful part is that, more often than not, the contents are carted home to be distributed.
- Pilipino komiks. Not to mention "Hiwaga," "Aliwan," "Tagalog Classics," "Liwayway" and "Bulaklak" magazines. Pulpy publications that gave us Darna, Facifica Falayfay, Lagalag, Kulafu, Kenkoy, Dyesebel, characters of a time both innocent and worldly.
- Folk songs. They come unbidden and spring, full blown, like a second language, at the slightest nudge from the too-loud stereo of a passing jeepney or tricycle.
- Fiesta. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow is just another day, shrugs the poor man who, once a year, honors a patron saint with this sumptuous, no-holds-barred spread. It’s a Pinoy celebration at its pious and riotous best.
- Jeepneys. Colorful, fast, reckless, a vehicle of postwar Pinoy ingenuity, this Everyman’s communal cadillac makes for a cheap, interesting ride. If the driver’s a daredevil (as they usually are), hang on to your seat.
- Dinuguan. Blood stew, a bloodcurdling idea, until you try it with puto. Messy but delicious.
- Santacruzan. More than just a beauty contest, this one has religious overtones, a tableau of St. Helena’s and Constantine’s search for the Cross that seamlessly blends piety, pageantry and ritual. Plus, it’s the perfect excuse to show off the prettiest ladies–and the most beautiful gowns.
- Balut. Unhatched duck’s embryo, another unspeakable ethnic food to outsiders, but oh, to indulge in guilty pleasures! Sprinkle some salt and suck out that soup, with gusto.
- Pakidala. A personalized door-to-door remittance and delivery system for overseas Filipino workers who don’t trust the banking system, and who expect a family update from the courier, as well.
- Choc-nut. Crumbly peanut chocolate bars that defined childhood ecstasy before M & M’s and Hersheys.
- Kamayan style. To eat with one’s hand and eschew spoon, fork and table manners–ah, heaven.
- Chicharon. Pork, fish or chicken crackling. There is in the crunch a hint of the extravagant, the decadent and the pedestrian. Perfect with vinegar, sublime with beer.
- Pinoy hospitality. Just about everyone gets a hearty "Kain tayo!" invitation to break bread with whoever has food to share, no matter how skimpy or austere it is.
- Adobo, kare-kare, sinigang and other lutong bahay stuff. Home-cooked meals that have the stamp of approval from several generations, who swear by closely-guarded cooking secrets and family recipes.
- Lola Basyang. The voice one heard spinning tales over the radio, before movies and television curtailed imagination and defined grown-up tastes.
- Pambahay. Home is where one can let it all hang out, where clothes do not make a man or woman but rather define their level of comfort.
- Tricycle and trisikad, the poor Pinoy’s taxicab that delivers you at your doorstep for as little as P3, with a complimentary dusting of polluted air.
- Dirty ice cream. Very Pinoy flavors that make up for the risk: munggo, langka, ube, mais, keso, macapuno. Plus there’s the colorful cart that recalls jeepney art.
- Yayas. The trusted Filipino nanny who, ironically, has become a major Philippine export as overseas contract workers. A good one is almost like a surrogate parent–if you don’t mind the accent and the predilection for afternoon soap and movie stars.
- Sarsi. Pinoy rootbeer, the enduring taste of childhood. Our grandfathers had them with an egg beaten in.
- Pinoy fruits. Atis, guyabano, chesa, mabolo, lanzones, durian, langka, makopa, dalanghita, siniguelas, suha, chico, papaya, singkamas–the possibilities!
- Filipino celebrities. Movie stars, broadcasters, beauty queens, public officials, all-around controversial figures: Aurora Pijuan, Cardinal Sin, Carlos P. Romulo, Charito Solis, Cory Aquino, Emilio Aguinaldo, the Eraserheads, Fidel V. Ramos, Francis Magalona, Gloria Diaz, Manuel L. Quezon, Margie Moran, Melanie Marquez, Ninoy Aquino, Nora Aunor, Pitoy Moreno, Ramon Magsysay, Richard Gomez, San Lorenzo Ruiz, Sharon Cuneta, Gemma Cruz, Erap, Tiya Dely, Mel and Jay, Gary V.
- World class Pinoys who put us on the global map: Lea Salonga, Paeng Nepomuceno, Eugene Torre, Luisito Espinosa, Lydia de Vega-Mercado, Jocelyn Enriquez, Elma Muros, Onyok Velasco, Efren "Bata" Reyes, Lilia Calderon-Clemente, Loida Nicolas-Lewis, Josie Natori.
- Pinoy tastes. A dietitian’s nightmare: too sweet, too salty, too fatty, as in burong talangka, itlog na maalat, crab fat (aligue), bokayo, kutchinta, sapin-sapin, halo-halo, pastilyas, palitaw, pulburon, longganisa, tuyo, ensaymada, ube haleya, sweetened macapuno and garbanzos. Remember, we’re the guys who put sugar (horrors) in our spaghetti sauce. Yum!
- The sights. Banaue Rice Terraces, Boracay, Bohol’s Chocolate Hills, Corregidor Island, Fort Santiago, the Hundred Islands, the Las Pinas Bamboo Organ, Rizal Park, Mt. Banahaw, Mayon Volcano, Taal Volcano. A land of contrasts and ever-changing landscapes.
- Gayuma, agimat and anting-anting. Love potions and amulets. How the socially-disadvantaged Pinoy copes.
- Barangay Ginebra, Jaworski, PBA, MBA and basketball. How the verticaly-challenged Pinoy compensates, via a national sports obsession that reduces fans to tears and fistfights.
- People Power at EDSA. When everyone became a hero and changed Philippine history overnight.
- San Miguel Beer and pulutan. "Isa pa nga!" and the Philippines’ most popular, world-renowned beer goes well with peanuts, corniks, tapa, chicharon, usa, barbecue, sisig, and all manner of spicy, crunchy and cholesterol-rich chasers.
- Resiliency. We’ve survived 400 years of Spanish rule, the US bases, Marcos, the 1990 earthquake, lahar, lambada, Robin Padilla, and Tamagochi. We’ll survive Erap.
- Yoyo. Truly Filipino in origin, this hunting tool, weapon, toy and merchandising vehicle remains the best way to "walk the dog" and "rock the baby," using just a piece of string.
- Pinoy games: Pabitin, palosebo, basagan ng palayok. A few basic rules make individual cunning and persistence a premium, and guarantee a good time for all.
- Ninoy Aquino. For saying that "the Filipino is worth dying for”, and proving it.
- Balagtasan. The verbal joust that brings out rhyme, reason and passion on a public stage.
- Tabo. All-powerful, ever-useful, hygienically-triumphant device to scoop water out of a bucket _ and help the true Pinoy answer nature’s call. Helps maintain our famously stringent toilet habits.
- Pandesal. Despite its shrinking size, still a good buy. Goes well with any filling, best when hot.
- Jollibee. Truly Pinoy in taste and sensibility, and a corporate icon that we can be quite proud of. Do you know that it’s invaded the Middle East, as well?
- The butanding, the dolphins and other creatures in our blessed waters. They’re Pinoys, too, and they’re here to stay. Now if some folks would just stop turning them into daing.
- Pakikisama. It’s what makes people stay longer at parties, have another drink, join pals in sickness and health. You can get dead drunk and still make it home.
- Sing-a-long. Filipinos love to sing, and thank God a lot of us do it well!
- Kayumanggi. Neither pale nor dark, our skin tone is beautifully healthy, the color of a rich earth or a mahogany tree growing towards the sun.
- Handwoven cloth and native weaves. Colorful, environment-friendly alternatives to polyester that feature skillful workmanship and a rich indigenous culture behind every thread. From the pinukpok and ibalen of the north to the malong of the south, it’s the fiber of who we are.
- Movies. Still the cheapest form of entertainment, especially if you watch the same movie several times.
- Bahala na. We cope with uncertainty by embracing it, and are thus enabled to play life by ear.
- Papaitan. An offal stew flavored with bile, admittedly an acquired taste, but pointing to our national ability to acquire a taste for almost anything.
- English. Whether carabao or Arr-neoww-accented, it doubles our chances in the global marketplace.
- The Press. Irresponsible, sensational, often inaccurate, but still the liveliest in Asia. Otherwise, we’d all be glued to TV.
- Divisoria. Smelly, crowded, a pickpocket’s paradise, but you can get anything here, often at rock-bottom prices. The sensory overload is a bonus.
- Barong Tagalog. Enables men to look formal and dignified without having to strangle themselves with a necktie. Worn well, it makes any ordinary Juan look marvelously makisig.
- Filipinas. They make the best friends, lovers, wives. Too bad they can’t say the same for Filipinos.
- Filipinos. So maybe they’re bolero and macho with an occasional streak of generic infidelity; they do know how to make a woman feel like one.
- Catholicism. What fun would sin be without guilt? Jesus Christ is firmly planted on Philippine soil.
- Dolphy. Our favorite, ultra-durable comedian gives the beleaguered Pinoy everyman an odd dignity, even in drag.
- Style. Something we often prefer over substance. But every Filipino claims it as a birthright.
- Bad taste. Clear plastic covers on the vinyl-upholstered sofa, posters of poker-playing dogs masquerading as art, overaccessorized jeepneys and altars–the list is endless, and wealth only seems to magnify it.
- Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package. Mangoes. Crisp and tart, or lusciously ripe, they evoke memories of family outings and endless sunshine in a heart-shaped package.
- Unbridled optimism. Why we rank so low on the suicide scale.
- Street food: Barbecue, lugaw, banana-cue, fishballs, IUD (chicken entrails), adidas (chicken feet), warm taho. Forget hepatitis; here’s cheap, tasty food with gritty ambience.
- The siesta. Snoozing in the middle of the day is smart, not lazy.
- Honorifics and courteous titles: Kuya, ate, diko, ditse, ineng, totoy, Ingkong, Aling, Mang, etc. No exact English translation, but these words connote respect, deference and the value placed on kinship.
- Heroes and people who stood up for truth and freedom. Lapu-lapu started it all, and other heroes and revolutionaries followed: Diego Silang, Macario Sakay, Jose Rizal, Andres Bonifacio, Apolinario Mabini, Melchora Aquino, Gregorio del Pilar, Gabriela Silang, Miguel Malvar, Francisco Balagtas, Juan Luna, Marcelo H. del Pilar, Panday Pira, Emilio Jacinto, Raha Suliman, Antonio Luna, Gomburza, Emilio Aguinaldo, the heroes of Bataan and Corregidor, Pepe Diokno, Satur Ocampo, Dean Armando Malay, Evelio Javier, Ninoy Aquino, Lola Rosa and other comfort women who spoke up, honest cabbie Emilio Advincula, Rona Mahilum, the women lawyers who didn’t let Jalosjos get away with rape.
- Flora and fauna. The sea cow (dugong), the tarsier, calamian deer, bearcat, Philippine eagle, sampaguita, ilang-ilang, camia, pandan, the creatures that make our archipelago unique.
- Pilipino songs, OPM and composers:"Ama Namin," "Lupang Hinirang," "Gaano Ko Ikaw Kamahal," "Ngayon at Kailanman," "Anak," "Handog,""Hindi Kita Malilimutan," "Ang Pasko ay Sumapit"; Ryan Cayabyab, George Canseco, Restie Umali, Levi Celerio, Manuel Francisco, Freddie Aguilar, and Florante–living examples of our musical gift.
- Metro Aides. They started out as Imelda Marcos’ groupies, but have gallantly proven their worth. Against all odds, they continuously prove that cleanliness is next to godliness–especially now that those darned candidates’ posters have to be scraped off the face of Manila!
- Sari-sari store. There’s one in every corner, offering everything from bananas and floor wax to Band-Aid and bakya.
- Philippine National Red Cross. PAWS. Caritas. Fund drives. They help us help each other.
- Favorite TV shows through the years: "Tawag ng Tanghalan," "John and Marsha," "Champoy," "Ryan, Ryan Musikahan," "Kuwarta o Kahon," "Public Forum/Lives," "Student Canteen," "Eat Bulaga." In the age of inane variety shows, they have redeemed Philippine television.
- Quirks of language that can drive crazy any tourist listening in: "Bababa ba?" "Bababa!" or “Kakaba-kaba Ka Ba?”
- "Sayang!" "Naman!" "Kadiri!" "Ano ba!?" "pala." Expressions that defy translation but wring out feelings genuinely Pinoy.
- Cockfighting. Filipino men love it more than their wives (sometimes).
- Dr. Jose Rizal. A category in himself. Hero, medicine man, genius, athlete, sculptor, fictionist, poet, essayist, husband, lover, samaritan, martyr. Truly someone to emulate and be proud of, anytime, anywhere.
- Nora Aunor. Short, dark and homely-looking, she redefined our rigid concept of how leading ladies should look.
- Noranian or Vilmanian. Defines the friendly rivalry between Ate Guy Aunor and Ate Vi Santos and for many years, the only way to be for many Filipino fans.
- Filipino Christmas. The world’s longest holiday season. A perfect excuse to mix our love for feasting, gift-giving and music and wrap it up with a touch of religion.
- Relatives and kababayan abroad. The best refuge against loneliness, discrimination and confusion in a foreign place. Distant relatives and fellow Pinoys readily roll out the welcome mat even on the basis of a phone introduction or referral.
- Festivals: Sinulog, Ati-atihan, Moriones. Sounds, colors, pagan frenzy and Christian overtones.
- Folk dances. Tinikling, pandanggo sa ilaw, kari?osa, kuratsa, itik-itik, alitaptap, rigodon. All the right moves and a distinct rhythm.
- Native wear and costumes. Baro’t saya, tapis, terno, saya, salakot, bakya. Lovely form and ingenious function in the way we dress.
- Sunday family gatherings. Or, close family ties that never get severed. You don’t have to win the lotto or be a president to have 10,000 relatives. Everyone’s family tree extends all over the archipelago, and it’s at its best in times of crisis; notice how food, hostesses, money, and moral support materialize during a wake?
- Calesa and karitela. The colorful and leisurely way to negotiate narrow streets when loaded down with a year’s provisions.
- Quality of life. Where else can an ordinary employee afford a stay-in helper, a yaya, unlimited movies, eat-all-you-can buffets, the latest fashion (Baclaran nga lang), even Viagra in the black market?
- All Saints’ Day. In honoring our dead, we also prove that we know how to live.
- Handicrafts. Shellcraft, rattancraft, abaca novelties, woodcarvings, banig placemats and bags, bamboo windchimes, etc. Portable memories of home. Hindi lang pang-turista, pang-balikbayan pa!
- Pinoy greens. Sitaw. Okra. Ampalaya. Gabi. Munggo. Dahon ng Sili. Kangkong. Luya. Talong. Sigarillas. Bataw. Patani. Lutong bahay will never be the same without them.
- OCWs, now OFWs. The lengths (and miles) we’d go for a better life for our family, as proven by these modern-day heroes of the economy.
- The Filipino artist. From Luna’s magnificent "Spoliarium" and Amorsolo’s sun-kissed ricefields, to Ang Kiukok’s jarring abstractions and Borlongan’s haunting ghosts, and everybody else in between. Hang a Filipino painting on your wall, and you’re hanging one of Asia’s best.
- Tagalog soap operas. From "Gulong ng Palad" and "Flor de Luna" to today’s incarnations like "Mula sa Puso"–they’re the story of our lives, and we feel strongly for them, MariMar notwithstanding.
- Midnight madness, weekends sales, bangketas and baratillos. It’s retail therapy at its best, with Filipinos braving traffic, crowds, and human deluge to find a bargain.
Aswang, manananggal, kapre. The whole underworld of Filipino lower mythology recalls our uniquely bizarre childhood, that is, before political correctness kicked in. Still, their rich adventures pepper our storytelling.
Categories: Simply Pinoy.
October 8, 2005
Romajization: To indicate double length in certain words, I will use ‘ou’ instead of ‘o’ with a bar on top. Also, please note that the Japanese language has varying degree of politeness, meaning what may be an appropriate word to say to your friend, may be disrespectful when said to an older person. So please use caution. I’ll include versions of the same phrase in polite form. Also, the single ‘n’ is retained as is, and not interchanged with ‘m’ or ‘ng’. For more info on this, please read Pronouncing the Single N.
- Abunai – unreliable, dangerous, critical; used to describe a certain circumstance or as a warning when exclaimed which means ‘Look out!’
- Achira – there, yonder, that; used to point to far away directions or places.
- Ai – love; can also be used as a prefix for related words like aijou (affection/beloved daugther), aikouka (lover), aikata (sadness & joy), among others.
- Akuma – devil; or to describe a person that acts like one; the word oni can also be used and means the same thing.
- Arigatou – ‘Thank you’; the polite form is arigatou gozaimasu.
- Atarashii – new.
- Atode – afterwards.
- Baka – idiot or fool; one of the most commonly used words; the closest English translation would be ‘You fool!’ or ‘You idiot!’ .
- Chigau – literally it means ‘to differ from’ but when exclaimed it can be used to say ‘You’re mistaken!’ or ‘You’re wrong!’; polite form would be chigaimasu.
- Chikara – force, strength, energy, power.
- Chotto matte – ‘Wait a moment’; the polite form is chotto matte kudasai.
- Daijobu – ok; used to denote a state of well-being; polite form is daijobu desu.
- Dakara – so, thefore.
- Dakedo – however.
- Dakishimeru – to hug someone tight; to hold someone close.
- Doko – where; a question by itself; can be doko e? or doko desu ka?.
- Dame – not good; can also be used to mean ‘something unacceptable’ or ‘This will not do’.
- Dare – who; can be used as a question; polite form is dare desu ka?.
- Datte – because.
- Demou – but.
- Gaki – brat or kid; usually said in annoyance.
- Ganbatte ne! – do your best or do a good job; also used when wishing someone good luck; it’s polite form is ganbatte kudasai and base form is ganbaru which means ‘I will work hard’ or ‘I will do my best.’
- Hahaoya – mother; polite form; used to address one’s mother.
- Hanami – cherry-blossom viewing.
- Hai – yes; polite form is hai, sou desu (yes, it is so.).
- Hayaku – hurry; the English translation would be ‘Hurry up!’.
- Hentai – pervert; usually exclaimed by females when they feel a man has ‘dishonourable intentions’ ^^.
- Hidoi – terrible or harsh; when said, it can mean ‘How cruel!’ or ‘How horrible!’.
- Hime – princess; polite form is o-himesama.
- Hontou – truth, reality; when spoken as hontou ni can mean ‘really’ or if hontou ni? can mean ‘really?’.
- Hoshi – star.
- Hoshii – wanted, wished for, desired.
- Iie – no; it’s polite form is ‘iie’ plus the negative statement of what is being asked.
- Iku – to go; forms would be ikimasu (I’m going), ikimashou (I shall be going) or ikimashou ka? (Will you be going?).
- Isshoni – together; together with.
- Itadakimasu – usually said just before eating; I don’t know the English translation but the French would be ‘Bon appetit!’.
- Itai – painful.
- Itsu – when or how soon; deviations include itsumo (forever/always), itsudemo (any time), itsugoro (about when).
- Kakoi – good-looking or ‘cool’; one of the many fangirl words. ^^
- Kami – can be used to say either paper or hair.
- Kamisama – god.
- Kanashii – sad or sorrowful; other forms are kanashimi (sadness/grief) or kanashimu (to be sad).
- Kawaii – cute; in my opinion, the most used word in Japanese anime ^^.
- Kawaisou – pitiful, poor or pathetic; often misinterpreted as having the same meaning as kawaii but they mean different things.
- Kimochi – feelings, sensation, mood; can be combined with other related words such as kimochiii which means ‘good feeling’ or ‘feeling good’.
- Kirei – beautiful or pretty.
- Kochira – this way; used to point to directions or places that are near the speaker; as an exclamation, it is ‘This way!’
- Kodomo – child.
- Kokoro – heart; it can also mean mind or spirit.
- Konnichiwa – ‘Good day’; used to greet someone; from the root word konnichi which means ‘today’.
- Kotoba – word/s, language or speech
- Kuso – profanity; English translation would be ‘Shit!’.
- Mada – still or yet; can also mean ‘Not yet’.
- Mahou – magic, witchcraft or sorcery.
- Makenai – in its literal term, it means ‘I won’t lose!’; its base form is makeru.
- Mamoru – to protect, to obey or to guard.
- Mattaku – really, truly; usually used to express exasperation.
- Matta ne! – ‘See you!’; a preferable phrase than sayonara because it denotes that the meeting will be soon rather than far off in the future; can also be interchanged with ja ne!; other deviations would be matta ashita (see you tomorrow) or matta raishu (see you next week).
- Mou – already, again; when exclaimed can be ‘Enough’ or a sign of exasperation.
- Nakama – groupmate, partner, associate, circle or friends.
- Naruhodo – ‘I see’ or “Now I know’; can also mean ‘indeed’.
- Ohayou – ‘Good morning’; used as a greeting; its polite form is ohayou gozaimasu.
- Oishii – delicious or tasty.
- Okaasan – mother; polite form; can also be reidou.
- Okaeri – English translation is ‘ Welcome home!’; polite form is okaerinasai.
- Oneesan – older sister; polite form; can also be ane, neesan, aneki (used if close to sibling), aneue.
- Onegai – ‘Please’; can also be used when asking a favor from someone; the polite form is onegaishimasu.
- Onigiri – Japanese riceball.
- Oniisan – older brother; polite form, can also be aniki (used if close to sibling), anigo or kakei.
- Onna – a woman.
- Otoko – a man.
- Otousan – father; polite form.
- Ouji – prince; polite form is oujisama.
- Oyasumi – ‘Goodnight’; used to wish someone goodnight usually before sleeping; its polite form is oyasuminasai.
- Ryoukai – understanding or comprehension; English translation would be ‘I understand’, ‘Got it!’ or even ‘Roger!’.
- Sabishii – lonely or lonesome.
- Sakura – cherry blossom; a sacred flower in Japan and it blooms only once a year; the event is celebrated in a Sakura Festival with parades and picnics.
- Sayonara – ‘Goodbye’; apart from its popular meaning, this usually denotes a ‘final’ goodbye, meaning that the one it is said to won’t see the other person for a very long time yet.
- Senpai – an upper-class man, superior, elder; used to address someone of a higher level, usually in school.
- Shiawase – happiness or good fortune; can be a prefix for other words like shiawasemono which means fortunate person.
- Shimatta – profanity; English translation would be ‘Damn it!’
- Shinjite – to believe, to put your trust in someone or something; has different forms like shinjitsu (truth/ reality), shinjou (true feeling) or shinjiru (to place trust in).
- Soshite – and
- Sou – so, really, seeming; polite form is sou desu (It is so); forms include sou desu ne? (Don’t you agree?) or sou desu ka? (Is it so?).
- Sugoi – great or amazing; it is used to express pleasure or amazement at something; polite forms are sugoi desu! (It’s great!) or sugoi desu ne? (It’s great, isn’t it?).
- Tadaima – English translation is ‘ I’m home!’ or ‘Here I am!’.
- Taihen – awful, dreadful; used when describing a predicament or situation; the closest English equivalent is ‘I/We have a problem!’ or ‘Something awful has happened!’; polite form is taihen desu.
- Tatakai – battle or combat; in its verb form it is tatakau which means ‘I will fight!’.
- Tenshi – angel; can also mean heavenly or imperial gift.
- Tomodachi – friend.
- Totemo – very, awfully, exceedingly.
- Tsubasa – wings; a word that’s prevailent in anime, especially CLAMP works ^^.
- Umai – tasty; can be used instead of oishii but can also mean ‘clever’ or ‘skillful’.
- Ureshii – happy or glad; other forms include ureshinamida (tears of joy).
- Uso – a lie; polite form would be ‘Uso desu’; deviations are usobuku (to exaggerate), usotsuki (liar) or usohappyaku (full of lies).
- Yakusoku – arrangement or promise; young people sometimes interwine their little finger with another persons’ to seal their promise.
- Yare – as an expression it means ‘Oh!’ or ‘Oh dear!’; it is also sometimes said twice in emphasis, as in ‘Yare, yare!’.
- Yasashii – easy, plain or simple; can be used to describe a situation, event or thing.
- Yume – dream.
- Zettai – absolute or unconditional; can have forms of zettaichi (absolute value) among others.
That all for now! ^^ I might make a second part of this soon to cover more words I haven’t included here. Hopefully, I can find the time. ^^
Categories: Anime and Manga Addict.
October 8, 2005
After buying and finishing her cup of coffee, Jasmine starts window shopping with Licorne.
Jasmine: *smiles in wonder* Ooh!
Licorne: What?
Jasmine: I can feel the coffee inside my tummy!
Licorne: *grimaces* Is that really something you’d tell me about? *rolls eyes*
Jasmine: I can’t help it! I love the way it moves inside my stomach.
- Silence -
Licorne: Should I leave you two alone?
Note: Toilet cleaner = hydrochloric acid (well, basically)
At the grocery store, Jasmine reaches for a bottle of toilet cleaner and puts it in her grocery basket.
Licorne: Didn’t you just buy a bottle of that last week?
Jasmine: Yes, but we already ran out of it this week.
Licorne: *wonders* How can you use up that much toilet cleaner in one week? (an idea strikes) You drink it don’t you?
Jasmine: What?! I do not!
Licorne: (nodding in comprehension) No wonder your skin is so white. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "cleans from the inside out."
Jasmine: I do not drink it!
The two girls walk past a little girl riding in a grocery trolley. The little girl suddenly screams.
Child: Waaaaiiiii!
Jasmine turns to the child and smiles.
Jasmine: (smiling) Hi!
- Silence -
Licorne: The child’s too shocked by fear at the sight of your face to reply.
Jasmine: (to Licorne) You’re so mean!
Licorne’s brows are furrowed in concentration at the thing she’s holding.
Licorne: It’s pink, kind of soft, but a bit rough too. I squish it; I lick it; and then I put it in my mouth. It feels slippery; I swirl it around and around my mouth; I play my tongue over it; I can even bite it… and then…
Jasmine: You’re playing with a gummy bear again, aren’t you?
Licorne: I swallow it! Nyahaha!
Still at the grocery store.
Jasmine: Let’s go over there.
Licorne: Why? We’ve got everything on our grocery list here.
Jasmine: There’s a new item in my shopping list today.
Licorne: What?
Jasmine: I don’t even want to tell you. You’d accuse me of something I don’t do.
Licorne: Why? What is it?
- Silence -
Jasmine: *sighs* Racumin (rat poison)
Licorne suddenly smiles and opens her mouth to say something. Jasmine holds up one hand to stop her.
Jasmine: Don’t. Even. Say it.
Categories: Warning! Unbalanced!.
October 8, 2005
Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito. I did not write these; the laws are just so hilarious that we wanted to to share this article with you. ^^
- Law of Metaphysical Irregularity – The normal laws of physics do not apply.
- Law of Differentiated Gravitation – Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
- Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics – In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
- Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion – In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
- Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion – The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
- Law of Temporal Variability – Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something ‘cool’ or ‘impressive’. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
- First Law of Temporal Mortality – ‘Good Guys’ and ‘Bad Guys’ both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
- Second Law of Temporal Mortality – It takes some time for bad guys to die… regardless of physical damage. Even when the ‘Bad Guys’ are killed so quickly they didn’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
- Law of Dramatic Emphasis – Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity – Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a ‘Good Guy’ kicks the ‘Bad Guy’ in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
- Law of Inherent Combustability – Everything explodes. Everything.
- First Corollary – Anything that explodes bulges first.
- Second Corollary – Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as ‘The Matchstick City’.
- Law of Phlogistatic Emission – Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
- Law of Energetic Emission – There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy ‘bulge’) before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.
- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude – The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
- Law of Inexhaustability – No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
- Law of Inverse Accuracy – The accuracy of a ‘Good Guy’ when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the ‘Bad Guys’ when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
- First Corollary – The more ‘Bad Guys’ there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
- Second Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is faced with insurmountable odds, the ‘Bad Guys’ line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
- Third Corollary – Whenever a ‘Good Guy’ is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated ‘Good Guy Area’, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the ‘Good Guy’ from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.
- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability – Minmei is a bimbo.
- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity – The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
- Law of Demonic Consistency – Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.
- Law of Militaristic Unreliability – Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
- Law of Tactical Unreliability – Tactical geniuses aren’t….
- Law of Inconsequential Undetectability – People never notice the little things… Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality – Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
- Law of Americanthropomorphism – Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny ‘Bad Guy’ or a big stupid ‘Good Guy’.
- First Corollary – The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
- Second Corollary – The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
- Law of Mandibular Proportionality (from A. Hicks) – The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
- Law of Feline Mutation (from A. Hicks) – Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
- be female
- will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
- and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.
- Law of Conservation of Firepower (from U. Williams) – Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
- Law of Technological User-Benevolence (from U. Williams) – The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
- Law of Melee Luminescence (from U. Williams) – Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for ‘good guys’ and red for ‘bad guys’. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
- Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism (from U. Williams) – All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
- Law of Follicular Chroma Variability (from Spellweaver) – Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
- Law of Follicular Permanence – Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons… with bladed weapons!
- Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics – *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
- Law of Probable Attire – Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn’t hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him. - First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) – All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
- Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) – Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
- Law of Musical Omnipotence – Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more “simple” things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on… especially if they have never attempted these things before.
- Law of Quitupular Aggultination (from Daniel Mikula) – Also called “The Five-man Rule,” when “Good Guys” group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
- The Hero/Leader
- His girlfriend
- His Best Friend/Rival
- A Hulking Brute
- A Dwarf/Kid
- Extreme Coolness
- Amazing intelligence
- Incredible Irritation
- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance (from Jason Bustard) – All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice.
- First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) – The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
- Law of Hydrostatic Emission – Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
- Law of Inverse Attraction – Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
- First Corollary – Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world…
- Law of Nasal Sanguination (from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen) – When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though… the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
- Law of Xylolaceration (from Lyndon Harris) – Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence (from Erin Alia) – Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
- Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia – There is no Law #43.
- Law of Nominative Clamovocation (from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah) – The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis (from R. A. Hubby) – Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any ‘Bad Guys’ witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
- Law of Flimsy Incognition (from Conrad Knauer) – Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
First Corollary – Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.
Example: A ‘Good Guy’ in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of ‘Bad Guys’ firing on a ‘Good Guy’ standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
Source : http://www.abcb.com/laws/
Categories: Anime and Manga Addict.
October 8, 2005
Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately — without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional "pain relievers."
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns?
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They’ll clear up your stuffed nose.
Achy muscles from the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in a cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
Sore Throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer. Just dissolve wo tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly — even though the product has never been advertised for this use.
Eliminate puffiness under your eyes…. All you need is a dab of preparation H, carefully rubbed into the skin, avoiding the eyes. The hemorrhoid ointment acts as a vasoconstrictor, relieving the swelling instantly.
Honey remedy for skin blemishes… Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a band-aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin, sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
Listerine therapy for toenail fungus… Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
Easy eyeglass protection… To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
Coca-Cola cure for rust… Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer… If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can’t find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409. Insects drop to the ground instantly.
Smart splinter remover. just pour a drop of Elmers Glue all over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
Hunt’s tomato paste boil cure… cover the boil with Hunt’s tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
Balm for broken blisters… To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine… a powerful antiseptic.
Heinz vinegar to heal bruises… Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
Quaker Oat for fast pain relief……it’s not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Ouaker Oats and 1cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
Categories: Good for Nothing Facts.
October 8, 2005
(Written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife despite "irregularities")
- Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you recognize.
- Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
- You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyesbrows move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
- The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you can’t tell apart.
- All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
- Even the ketchup [catsup (Jason) =)] tastes weird.
- You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a dead pig.
- Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by something other than "that white guy."
- Your first X-mas present is some funny-looking, baggy see-through shirt made out of leftover lace doilies.
- Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call.
- The rice cooker is on 24/7 and uses up 50% of your electric and food budget.
- On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000 pounds each and your "carry-on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
- All your postage bills instantly double.
- Her favorite sauce is called patis. Americans call it turpentine.
- You were married five years before she explained to you that "Aray" doesn’t mean "Ooh, baby!"
- Her homeland has more megamalls than islands.
- Your kitchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle.
- Her friends are named Chinky, Baby, Boy, and Bimbo and you’re not allowed to smirk.
- All your place settings are backwards and there are no spoons.
- She’s done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not to tell you about it until a week or two before.
- AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think you snagged up for yourself some unique, rare, tropical goddess until you go to the Philippines and can’t tell her apart from anyone else in the whole country (unless she’s taller than 5’1". Then it’s a bit easier).
Categories: Simply Pinoy.