- We polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- A farm can produce produce.
- The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
- The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
- The present is a good time to present the present.
- At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
- The dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
- I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
- I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
No Wonder English Is So Hard To Learn
11
22
06'
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How to Tick People Off
09
07
06'
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
“What?”
“Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”
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What the Doctor Did Not Tell You
08
14
06'
Next time you get any of these ailments, check out your fridge, your dresser and maybe even your cleaning items before going to the drugstore. 
- Did You Know That? Drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately — without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional “pain relievers.”
- Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
- Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of curiously strong Altoids peppermints. They’ll clear up your stuffed nose.
- Achy muscles from a bout of the flu? Mix 1 Tablespoon of horseradish in 1 cup of olive oil. Let the mixture sit for 30 minutes, then apply it as a massage oil, for instant relief for aching muscles.
- Sore throat? Just mix 1/4 cup of vinegar with 1/4 cup of honey and take 1 tablespoon six times a day. The vinegar kills the bacteria.
- Cure urinary tract infections with Alka-Seltzer . Just dissolve two tablets in a glass of water and drink it at the onset of the symptoms. Alka-Seltzer begins eliminating urinary tract infections almost instantly — even though the product was never been advertised for this use. (Note: Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine is not the same..and contains aspirin, which can cause stomach bleeding if you have ulcers.)
- Honey remedy for skin blemishes … Cover the blemish with a dab of honey and place a Band-Aid over it. Honey kills the bacteria, keeps the skin sterile, and speeds healing. Works overnight.
- Listerine therapy for toenail fungus … Get rid of unsightly toenail fungus by soaking your toes in Listerine mouthwash. The powerful antiseptic leaves your toenails looking healthy again.
- Easy eyeglass protection … To prevent the screws in eyeglasses from loosening, apply a small drop of Maybelline Crystal Clear nail polish to the threads of the screws before tightening them.
- Coca-Cola cure for rust … Forget those expensive rust removers. Just saturate an abrasive sponge with Coca Cola and scrub the rust stain. The phosphoric acid in the coke is what gets the job done.
- Cleaning liquid that doubles as bug killer … If menacing bees, wasps, hornets, or yellow jackets get in your home and you can’t find the insecticide, try a spray of Formula 409 . Insects drop to the ground instantly.
- Smart splinter remover …just pour a drop of Elmer’s Glue-All over the splinter, let dry, and peel the dried glue off the skin. The splinter sticks to the dried glue.
- Hunt’s tomato paste boil cure ….cover the boil with Hunt’s tomato paste as a compress. The acids from the tomatoes soothe the pain and bring the boil to a head.
- Balm for broken blisters …To disinfect a broken blister, dab on a few drops of Listerine … a powerful antiseptic.
- Heinz vinegar to heal bruises .. Soak a cotton ball in white vinegar and apply it to the bruise for 1 hour. The vinegar reduces the blueness and speeds up the healing process.
- Kills fleas instantly . Dawn dish washing liquid does the trick. Add a few drops to your dog’s bath and shampoo the animal thoroughly. Rinse well to avoid skin irritations. Goodbye fleas.
- Rainy day cure for dog odor … Next time your dog comes in from the rain, simply wipe down the animal with Bounce or any dryer sheet, instantly making your dog smell springtime fresh.
- Eliminate ear mites… All it takes is a few drops of Wesson corn oil in your cat’s ear. Massage it in, then clean with a cotton ball. Repeat daily for 3 days. The oil soothes the cat’s skin, smothers the mites, and accelerates healing.
- Quaker Oats for fast pain relief ….It’s not for breakfast anymore! Mix 2 cups of Quaker Oats and 1 cup of water in a bowl and warm in the microwave for 1 minute, cool slightly, and apply the mixture to your hands for soothing relief from arthritis pain.
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Quotes to Remember
05
31
06'
Quotes to read when you are bored. 
“I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.”
Woody Allen.
“I like children – fried.”
WC Fields.
“Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.”
Jim Carrey.
“Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can’t remember what they are.”
Matt Lauer (on NBC’s Today Show).
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Steven Wright (…more Steven Wright Quotes).
“Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can’t believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I’m still hungry.”
Mike Kalin.
“Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favourite food is seconds.”
Joan Rivers.
“A winkle is just a bogey with a crash helmet on.”
Mick Miller.
“I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.”
Eddie Izzard.
“I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”
Steven Wright.
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
Dan Quayle.
“I’m a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.”
Bruce Lee.
“What’s on your mind, if you’ll forgive the overstatement?”
Fred Allen.
“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
John Mendosa.
“Why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.”
Will Rogers.
“College atheletes used to get a degree in bringing your pencil.”
Ruby Wax.
“If a man is a fool, you don’t train him out of being a fool by sending him to university. You merely turn him into a trained fool, ten times more dangerous.”
Desmond Bagley.
“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.”
Pablo Picasso.
“Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.”
Rich Cook.
“Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.”
Rita May Brown.
“All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You’d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.”
Isaac Asimov.
“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”
Paul Ehrlich.
“UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.”
Dennis Ritchie.
“The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.”
Al Goodman.
“The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.”
Eric Porterfield.
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The Art of Kissing (My Favorite Sport)
05
11
06'
by David Leonhardt
Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport on earth?
Some say “football”. Some say “baseball”. Canadians say “hockey“. The rest of the world says “soccer”. (Actually, they say “football”, too…but they mean “soccer”.)
I say: “kissing”. Yes, kissing is the greatest sport on earth. Allow me to explain just a few of the reasons.
ATTENTION: If bad breath (yours or your partner’s) makes you uncomfortable kissing, you need The Bad Breath Report
Kissing is the most versatile sport around. There are so many types of kisses to choose from – at least one for just about any occasion. There is the quick peck on the cheek kiss, the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew’s cheek kiss while grabbing the other cheek flab with your hand, the wildly passionate kiss, the elegant kiss on the hand, the dreaded kiss of death, the “Hey you! Kiss this!”, and even the Florida town of Kissimmee (founded, no doubt, by early Italian pioneer kissers).
The Art of Kissing Is Easy
Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn’t matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom, in the space shuttle, even in Alaska from June through September.
Kissing requires so little equipment, which means you can do it even when not prepared for the occasion, and even when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers and marsupial groupies.
Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in an oh-so-booooring meeting that seems to last oh-so-foreeeeever, why not just kiss somebody. Go ahead; try it. See how it livens things up?
Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most earth-bound countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing will even be legalized soon on Mars, Jupiter and in Afghanistan.
Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help the environment.
Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.
Kissing is non toxic…unless you kiss somebody who has just swallowed a bottle of Drano. Even so, kissing is still safe, as long as you do not use your mouth.
Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies until they a) need to diet or b) induce diabetes. (Read the headline: “Kissing prevents diabetes”)
Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.
Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure?
You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your wife, your veterinarian, the Prime Minister of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don’t try kissing them all at the same time, though…especially not your boyfriend and your wife.
Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous safety record, except for the occasional locked braces. But a quick call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem (CAA in Canada, AA in the UK, the local plumber in France)
Extreme Kissing NOT Recommended
The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other spectators who somehow get past security and storm onto the playing field like that well-dressed gentleman at the Superbowl.
We do NOT recommend “extreme kissing”. For instance, don’t kiss an on-duty garbage truck; it is considered dangerous. Don’t kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don’t kiss any electrical outlets, or you’ll look like this.
Are you paying attention? This one is important. Don’t kiss the vacuum cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs. It’s OK to kiss sandpaper, just don’t use your tongue. Don’t kiss a chainsaw; we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don’t kiss your office manager while on duty…unless you happen to be a work-from-home hermit like me.
But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey, football and soccer seem like bush league sports. Next time you hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone a kiss. I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column. Get a free humor ebook with your purchase of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven. Check out also the free A Daily Dose of Happiness ezine David Leonhardt also runs a Liquid Vitamins website.
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These will change your life!
05
01
06'
We each have our daily routine and sometimes we get bored from the same activities over and over again.
That is why we have extra-curricular activities, vacations, hobbies etc. to take us out of sometimes boring mundane lives.
Browsing around in Powerbooks, I found a book titled, ‘This Book Will Change Your Life Again!’ by Benrik Limited.
The book instructs everyone, who gets hold of it, to follow the instructions indicated per day to make their lives more fun. ^^ Instructions included are not to be taken lightly for some are either twisted or weird in context and may degrade one’s ego but the fun is in there! LOL
The book is not of cheap value here in the Philippines, but I was able to get a copy of it (my poor wallet -_-). As a treat to the other members of Winglica, I’m placing some of the instructions here for fun. It would depend on you if you are to follow them seriously. But the most important value here is to have fun and laugh to yourself or with others
DISCLAIMER: The following instructions are not from me. They are from the book.
NOTE: Winglica will not be held liable for any harm that may come from following the instructions. Members will be held responsible for their own actions. So please still be cautious of your actions. Just a friendly warning. ^^
* To learn more of Benrik, visit this homepage.
- Parasite Day
In our intricate society, there are many opportunities for free-riding. Today see if you can live literally at the expense of others.
* Hitchhike a free ride in other people’s cars.
* In restaurants, finish other people’s leftovers.
* Listen to the radio from someone else’s set.
* Watch TV through someone else’s window.
* Enjoy the conversation of complete strangers.
* Read books or newspapers over other people’s shoulders. - World Domination Day
Make your plans in advance in case you need them
* Your title: ___ Emperor ___ Supreme Ruler ___ Generalissimo ___ Other
* Site of your world capital: ___ Paris ___ Washington ___ Beijing ___ Other
* Capital to be renamed after: ___ You ___ Your Mom ___ Your Pet ___ Other
* Enemies to be liquidated:
* Friends to be promoted:
* Countries to be abolished:
* Planets to be subjucated:
* Number of slaves in your harem:
* Number of cars in your garage:
* Number of jets in your personal fleet:
* Catchphrase: ___ I rule for no one (but me) ___ An iron fist in an iron glove ___ Kill first, torture later ___ Other - Today, apologize for something your ancestors did.
- Today, smile inappropriately
Aren’t you sick of smiling inappropriately? Who is it that tells you when to smile anyway? Corporate advertisers for the great toothpaste market are making millions from linking normal life with appropriate smiling. So today disrupt their marketing ploys by smiling when you shouldn’t. Smile when you hear bad news. Smile when you hear something offensive. Smile when a baby cries. Just smile, and smile and smile your face off, but only when you shouldn’t. Let them make a marketing campaign of that. You will either be applauded for being enigmatic or they will just incarcerate you for being a psychopath. And if they do, just smile. - Today infect someone
We are all covered in germs, whether bacteria, protozoa, fungi or viruses. It is useless to fight it; instead, today, embrace our germ-ridden nature and pass some of yours on to the next guy. Shake hands, cough, hug, kiss – do whatever it takes to pass the bacterial love… - Today write a letter to your future self.
- Today do everything in slow motion.
The reason movies show dramatic events in slow motion isn’t just to let us see the details. Accidents and other high-stress situations are actually experienced in slow motion. Scientists speculate that the rush of adrenalin alters our brain’s perception of time – what the Greeks called tachypsychia or distortion of the “speed of the mind.” Those Greeks! - Make a sticker of any of the ff and place it on your back.
* I’m Lonely. Please talk to me.
* Today is my Birthday!
* STOP following me.
* AMNESIAC. If you recognize me, let me know.
Like it so far? Just inform us if you would like to read more. Ja! ^^
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